monday.

day one.

what is it about mondays? more often than not you dread rolling [struggling for most] out of bed to make the morning commute, only to find that after your 'wake-me-up' coffee you're stuck with a list of assignments, a stack of paperwork and a boss who is reveling in their delight to remind you of your inferiority to their 'vast' brilliance [didn't you already know they p*ss excellence?!]. then finally surviving to the midway point you're often times clamoring for the weekend to start - and then it dawns on you that you've only survived 5-hours on the first day, as it's now just turning 1pm...

eh, whatever - that's not my life so why ponder on those thoughts here?!

today served as an incredible reminder of where I'm at and the steps I am making. For the first time I received solicited mail at the office along with one of the executives. It sounds like nothing big, until you factor in it was solicited material from a studio. while it's still just worthless paper that 10 out of 10 times ends up in the trash I kept mine. Why?! because it serves as a reminder to myself that out there in the vast expanse of this industry, my name exists in someone's database, and they deemed me a person of interest to the point that they felt it was worth their time to send me material [please note: none of the other assistants, except for one in particular, have received this type of solicited material in the time that I've been working at P/M]. it's a small thing - but it represents a huge gesture to me...

It represents a metaphor for the elite company I am in, and a reminder that in order to keep advancing I have to keep working harder than I realize. Earlier today, Jeffrey Katzenberg's email memo to the employees of DWA [DreamWorks Animation] was released on DeadlineHollywood's website. Just seeing his intense casually friday meeting schedule and the effort, time and care he puts into his work serves to a model for the type of work ethic that is common among the elite in this industry.

Now, while I am just a peon at this stage - that simple little parcel gives me hope that my name is out there. While I still live comfortably in obscurity, hidden amongst the thousands of other starving artists, I know my name exist in someone's database. That I am out there. And in order to achieve those lofty standards by which I often times preach, it's time to realize that vision.

The message is simple. that break-time is over and it's time to get back to work. It's only Monday, and there's still plenty of week left to realize those dreams. after all, the week is only beginning...

saturday's thoughts

i'm realizing the more i pursue the course i'm on - the further i distance myself from the world i left behind. i'm going down a road that i cannot describe on a path that's more intensely difficult that i ever could have fathomed. fueled solely on the strength of dreams, borne of my own ambition and desire for storytelling - i know i will eventually achieve the success i desperately crave.

however, as i drift deeper in to this abyss, i don't think success will eventually be enough. it has to stand for something more than that. and on some level it will have to incorporate responsibly advancing the pursuit of excellence of this art and placing my stamp on a craft for which there is no proven method.

whether this comes to fruition is anyone's guess. but i know what i have to do, and i refuse to accept failure as an option. no one will deny me of my goals - not even myself - i refuse to acknowledge it.