GSJG_Leadership

Orson Welles is arguably one of the greatest filmmakers who ever lived. He was a man fueled his desire and consumed by his vision. As a filmmaker he sought out and achieved the impossible and as a storyteller there was no equal. His talents were so extraordinary that envy drove his competition to claim he was not a genius, despite the fact that no one ever claimed he was.

He is just one of many examples of sheer filmmaking talent that I hope to aspire to one day. Yet, I know that his success was not an accident. His achievements were not dictated by others’ influence.

In the student filmmaker world, things are considerably different than they are on a real set. For instance, at school the crew doesn’t care how fast they move or how hard they work. They know they won’t be fired and there is no paycheck depending on their work ethic. If anything, by not applying themselves they are wasting their money and losing out on the opportunity to learn. It’s a place where leadership is just as valuable as one’s talent or filmmaking skills. And most of all, a place where ego needs to stay out of the equation.

My biggest complaint is that, as filmmakers, we are nothing. Yet, no one wants to accept that. I mean, what have we accomplished? No one has revolutionized the wheel, and no one has broken any barriers that haven’t already been crossed before. We are neophytes learning on the go and constantly forgetting the fact that we really don’t know what we are doing. This is because we are constantly crossing new ground, and this month is no different since we are now filming on a format that is foreign to us entirely.

And as we struggle to maintain the crew’s involvement, it becomes apparent who the leaders are. And they are not always the ones who are in leadership positions. I know this is a fact in several of the film crews that are filming this month, my crew included. But, the challenge is not working around that, but trying to get those individuals to assume the mantle and apply themselves in a manner in which they are not comfortable.

As the leader and focal point for my production, I have worked constantly at getting my crew excited about our film and fired up about what we’re attempting to do. Despite the fact that we are listed as a band of misfits we have proven every one wrong and come together as a team that has accomplished far more than I thought we would. Despite this, we still remain so far from being ready to shoot despite the fact that our first day is next week. More than anything, right now I need my Keys to step up and assume their roles as leaders. This is no time to be modest and be ‘friends’ with our classmates. We have a job to do, and that is the most important aspect of this class. This is our Thesis and our time to show that we are competent in our roles and positions – and not sit back and cower in the corner or be too timid to step up. No one man can do this alone – I just hope that I have the leaders in place to ensure the success of this film.

And as men like Orson Welles have proven time and time again. If you want to make your work and your vision to come across on screen, you cannot afford to be modest. You have to want to apply yourself, not be afraid of hurting people’s feeling and you have to want to take risks and chances. This gift of storytelling is extremely hard to accomplish successfully, and as magicians of photography we have to be willing to take those chances if we are to succeed. Otherwise, we fail as leaders and our work becomes irrelevant. I know that’s not how I want to be remembered. And I refuse to accept anything short of giving my best effort to my crew and my audience, whoever they may be.

Now’s the time to step up and now’s the time to set the standard.

“Nobody who takes on anything big and tough can afford to be modest.”
-Orson Welles

GSJG Updates

We are two build labs into the creation of our 35mm project, 'God Speed, John Glenn,' and although I wish I could say I'm feeling confident I'm starting to get nervous...extremely nervous. I'm being told by my instructors that if I wasn't I then something would be wrong. Although I know we'll construct a pretty reasonable Mercury Control Center (MCC) I just don't know what to make of it when I see my Production Designer and Art Director not on the same page. Furthermore, I feel as if my Director of Photography and I are not on the same page either...

Questions are raised in my mind: can we do this? are we focused? what more can I do? how I can I get everyone to focus?

I don't know how to begin all of this, since we are essentially at the end of our time here at Full Sail. I have confidence in what I've come up with shot wise. But I need my DP to know this and give me reinforcement that I need to know that he sees this the same way I do. I need my PD and Art Director to stop fighting each other and work together. But most of all, I just need to know that things are going smoother than I perceive them to be...

I can only do so much, but I've already put in more time on this than I thought I would have --> and I still feel like I need to do more! I'm meeting with the actors tonight to go through their scripts and begin the process of helping guide them to find their characters. It's a very exciting time for me personally, but I need to know that whatever I can pull from them isn't going to waste.

I know the teachers in the 35 office see what I am doing, they see my multiple (and enormous) binders, and they see the amount of "useless" knowledge that I've attained learning after trying to integrate myself into a world that existed nearly 50-years ago. I feel like I am closer to who these men than I ever hoped to be - and I still have a meeting on Friday with a NASA legend. The man who got Mercury into orbit, the man who saved the Apollo Program after the tragedy of Apollo I and the man who literally got the Space Shuttle off the ground. His name is T.J. O'Malley, and while not much is written about him in history books - he is a legend the kind of which the Glenn's and Armstong's even revered. That's saying something...

I guess right now, I know and see the work I'm putting in. I know every process and every step is bringing me closer to achieve my potential on this project. I also know that I am learning more and more about myself, about movie-making but most of all storytelling. After all, that is easily the most important thing to me - I want to tell an amazing story and portray it to the audience in a way that they are compelled and moved by the events and struggles of this mission. At the same time, I want to know that everyone else is as compelled and driven as I am to make this vision a reality. I can't do this alone, and while I would like to spend my down time at the beach frolicking around in the surf or running endless miles around Lake Baldwin, I just need to know that everyone is putting in their part, too.

This is an entire team effort - and I need my team to step up their game, assume their role as a leader and bring to the table everything that they're capable of. This is our final thesis, and to me personally, it is my chance to demonstrate my abilities to lead this production.

But I guess my instructors are right because if I wasn't nervous or on the verge of 'freaking out' then something would be wrong...

Reassurances

I've been in Florida for the better part of the last year and a half in pursuit of something that's a complete crap shoot. Nothing in film is guaranteed and everything we're fighting to achieve is determined by many factors (of which the most recurring seems to be luck). I'm honestly scarred witless as to what's going to happen next, but I'm ready to take that step.

Sometimes I have my moments were I allow doubt to creep in and let my insecurities dominate my mindset. But, yesterday one of my closest friends said something that completely changed my outlook on this future that I'm determined to carve out of nothing.

He was having a discussion about his future with his girlfriend (who also goes to school with us) and they were trying to figure out what their next move should be together after graduation. He told me his girlfriend, Jess, said that they should stay close to me. Her reasoning was that she felt I was going to approach the kind of success that we all dream about. My friend, Jake, said he agreed.

I honestly don't know how to react to their comments because of what it means to me. That kind of reassurance cannot be described, especially since it comes from my peers (who are leaders themselves) who hold me in that regard. Even last month someone close to me looked me in the eye while we were lying down and told me that she knew I would be great, too. I cannot express how important those words are - but how do you respond to that? The answer is I don't know...

What I can say is I didn't come all this way and sacrifice so much to fail. Their words only reinforce the notion that I am on the right path - but the real work is to come. As I look at the road ahead I know there will be a lot of hardships, but my promise is that I will never quit, and I will never give up on this dream. I haven't come all this way to stop now...

Case In Point

The past week has been insanely hard prepping for GSJG, and since it's pouring this afternoon and I actual have a minute to breath a lot of random thoughts flooded my mind that were surprisingly not film related. One such thought was the realization that since I have arrived in Florida it seems everyone who is close to me (that's not family) has disappointed me in some way or another. Although this seems to be a reoccurring trend, I'm coming to realize this is how my life is. However, I've also realized something else too:

Green Light to GSJG

It's been over a year since a random idea crossed my mind regarding a script for final project. It was simple. The idea was to tell a story about a miraculous NASA mission told through the controllers in the Mission Control room. Originally, the story was to take place in the future around the time the Constellation program was taking off. Yet, in the end something didn't work out and the story was changed to encompass the drama that unfolded during the perilous moments in Mercury Control during John Glenn's famed Friendship 7 mission.

Earlier this morning I received the news that I had been waiting over a year to hear. My story, my idea, my concept ("God Speed, John Glenn) was liked well enough to produce. I honestly don't know what to make of it all. It should be the happiest moment I have had since I've been in Florida, yet, after contemplating it for so long there isn't anything to celebrate...and sadly for the first time since September I feel almost empty, and worse I really don't know what to make of it all...

I don't know what it is, but now that I have achieved the goal that I've craved for over a year it's almost as if I cannot grasp the importance of this moment. This is the first real step toward becoming what I've dreamt of - yet, when I look at it, I sit here and ask myself...has the sacrifice been worth it?

I guess more than anything, today and the past week have been a period of reflection for me. At one end of this journey, I am quickly achieving goals that I set out for when I left Arizona (the ones that are taped to the back of my door)...yet, at the other end is the realization that I sacrificed everything I had in Arizona to get to this stage.

My friend Jake told me earlier today, and maybe he said it best, 'no one understands what we are going through, except us. And although we are thousands of miles from our best friends and our families - you'll always have us...and we'll always be here for you.'

I cannot express how hard this journey has been - and although I am not entirely alone - having to pick up the pieces from those who impacted my life the most is never an easy task. Yet, as I sit here collecting my thoughts and gearing up for what is to become the greatest and hardest couple months of my professional life I cannot help but think of those who helped me get here. And regardless of whether they are my family, my friends or even a part of my life, everything that happens in the coming months is for you. Because without your support, love or belief in me - all of this would be for not.

I think it's worth noting too, and in the end my core group of friends and I triumphed in getting two (2) of the three (3) scripts green-lit for final project. I was slated to direct both, but I am sticking with my script and will tell it the way I intend it to be seen.

For all of you out there. This is for you -

Cocoa

So I've been (admittedly) lazy about updating the blog. So here are a few pics that I took about two weeks ago from Cocoa during another sunrise.