2011 and beyond.

2010. goodbye.
2011. hello.

Three things I'm going to miss:
Barry, Bo and the MIB crew at the Euclid office.
Hawaii, turkey-style.
The Jeep, RIP.

Three things I'm not going to miss:
The insanity that was the first apartment.
The previous salary.
The futon, kind-of.

Three things to look forward to:
The completion of MIB.
New responsibilities, and the chaos that will ensue.
The Griffis Olympics and Coos Bay, Oregon. enough said.

Three things that will be did*:
Run a faster race.
Completion of one project, the beginning of another.
FINISH.

2010 Post Mortem:
A lot of things were left undone that could have been completed. Whether it was fatigue, the living situation or just plain forgetfulness, all-in-one these are the same. Excuses.

Year-One was about learning. Year-Two is about applying.
There are no more excuses for not working harder.

Plain and simple, it all comes down to desire, and I want it more.
I will not quit, I cannot quit. I will push myself harder than you.

This is the dawn of a most exciting time, welcome to the New Year.
Watch. Observe. Follow.


* - my apologies for the Kanye/Ke$ha word-choice. in the spirit of 2010 I felt obligated to indulge. Please note, side-effects for indulging in such grammatical choices may include: anorexia, dry mouth, chronic thirst, the development of sleeping disorders or generalized difficulty sleeping, chronic headaches or migraines, pain in the stomach, high blood pressure, sudden and unexplained weight loss, mood swings or other emotional changes, nausea with vomiting, sudden dizziness or fainting, a generalized feeling of weakness or tiredness, a sudden spike in heart rate, a higher risk of infections, unexplained fevers, heartburn, chest pains, and a slowing of growth in small children.

who says tryptophan is a bad thing...

turkey day 2010 was a bit of treat. hawaii. two-times in two-years. just like old times, except with little ones involved. i honestly don't know how to describe it - but sometimes the only way is to just to say it, life is good.

anyway, i'm not here to gloat. just share the wonderment that is this majestic place as well as the family.

these next 12-months

thought of the day:
why is it that major events that transpire our routine represent a way for us to 'start over'?

+++++

so after a few stressed filled ulcer-like inducing days i finally have a place to call home. coupled with the insanity that's life at work, i find i can finally breathe again.

tomorrow we'll be moving into the new place. i'm excited to see what the coming months will bring and lord knows this hasn't been a picnic, but it's the life i chose. tomorrow is a starting point to take stock of what's been accomplished in year-one in LA and push it even further. there was a five-year plan. year-one was only on par.

i'll be the first to admit i've been fortunate to this point. but there comes a time when the breaks won't fall your way and you have to forge your own path. this is where i'm at and the crossroads are quickly approaching.

i didn't come here to fail. nor did i come here merely to succeed. it's about something bigger than that. it's time to start making a statement. i'm merely a shadow cloaked in the background, but it's time to show my talents and give this dream a face and fulfill the vision that propelled me to this point.

tomorrow is the beginning of round 2.

ding, ding.

***disclaimer*** cheetos have nothing to do with this, and if this is the sole reason for regarding this entry, you can stop here. granted, cheetos represent in many ways an amazingly awesome yet disparagingly bad addiction. i find when you eat one, you can't just stop there - with an end result being a stomach ache, sticky cheesy orangish-color residue staining your fingers, and compressed chunks of the cornmeal substance wedged in your teeth [namely the molars].

well, on with the show...

have you ever thought about the major decisions that define your life? already i've had several of these. these moments don't last long - but lately with everything that's been going on - i find myself asking with greater frequency: what would i be doing if i never went off to film school. where would i be if i had moved to colorado in 2005. what would have become of me if i didn't attend ASU.

well, the answer is it's anyone's guess...

life's too short to second guess those decisions that have already made. you can't allow yourself to dwell on the past, because you don't know what the future will bring. however, i do look back on things i've done and the situations i wish i could have acted differently in - even when there was nothing left to give. but, the unfortunate reality is for all those moments there is nothing i can do to affect change. just understand the circumstances and accept it for myself and move-on.

there are people i miss greatly, places i wish i could see again, and moments that i look back on and cringe - but i won't say that i regret anything - i just wish i could have done things differently. tomorrow will bring about change, but it's learning to make the most of it with the time that is given to us.

so here's to tomorrow and the craziness [good and bad] that it will bring.

Quote of the Week

"Don't be afraid to make mistakes - for the path to glory is littered with f*ckups."*

couldn't say it any better.

you know things are going well when the execs at the office are going out of their way to talk to you about how impressed they are with your script coverage [literally coming over to shake my hand and compliment my wordage, verbage and general nonsense] - but at the end of the day that doesn't mean anything.

accolades are meaningless, only results. and the only way to get results is to never be satisfied. and make mistakes.

so why stay content with being good when the prospects of being great looms. time to get back to work, stay focused and keep improving.


song of the day: [in ANAMORPHIC no less. ummm, YES]




* just make sure you learn from them.

Labor Day

Had a three-day weekend. Figured why the hell not - and went home to the city by the Bay.

Pics are a work in progress - but i felt like posting something...ANYTHING. [I'll update again when finished.]

And, yes, with the exception of the first pic, these are all cropped to either a 2.35:1 or 1.85:1 format. Ima film nerd - what did you expect - get over it.




"layers upon layers"
36mm | iso 100 | f36.0 | 1/13



"GGB"
18mm | iso 400 | f13.0 | 1/320



"where's jenny?"
48mm | iso 400 | f13.0 | 1/250




"future residence"
135mm | iso 200 | f13.0 | 1/160




"stomach ache"
112mm | iso 400 | f13.0 | 1/320

monday.

day one.

what is it about mondays? more often than not you dread rolling [struggling for most] out of bed to make the morning commute, only to find that after your 'wake-me-up' coffee you're stuck with a list of assignments, a stack of paperwork and a boss who is reveling in their delight to remind you of your inferiority to their 'vast' brilliance [didn't you already know they p*ss excellence?!]. then finally surviving to the midway point you're often times clamoring for the weekend to start - and then it dawns on you that you've only survived 5-hours on the first day, as it's now just turning 1pm...

eh, whatever - that's not my life so why ponder on those thoughts here?!

today served as an incredible reminder of where I'm at and the steps I am making. For the first time I received solicited mail at the office along with one of the executives. It sounds like nothing big, until you factor in it was solicited material from a studio. while it's still just worthless paper that 10 out of 10 times ends up in the trash I kept mine. Why?! because it serves as a reminder to myself that out there in the vast expanse of this industry, my name exists in someone's database, and they deemed me a person of interest to the point that they felt it was worth their time to send me material [please note: none of the other assistants, except for one in particular, have received this type of solicited material in the time that I've been working at P/M]. it's a small thing - but it represents a huge gesture to me...

It represents a metaphor for the elite company I am in, and a reminder that in order to keep advancing I have to keep working harder than I realize. Earlier today, Jeffrey Katzenberg's email memo to the employees of DWA [DreamWorks Animation] was released on DeadlineHollywood's website. Just seeing his intense casually friday meeting schedule and the effort, time and care he puts into his work serves to a model for the type of work ethic that is common among the elite in this industry.

Now, while I am just a peon at this stage - that simple little parcel gives me hope that my name is out there. While I still live comfortably in obscurity, hidden amongst the thousands of other starving artists, I know my name exist in someone's database. That I am out there. And in order to achieve those lofty standards by which I often times preach, it's time to realize that vision.

The message is simple. that break-time is over and it's time to get back to work. It's only Monday, and there's still plenty of week left to realize those dreams. after all, the week is only beginning...

saturday's thoughts

i'm realizing the more i pursue the course i'm on - the further i distance myself from the world i left behind. i'm going down a road that i cannot describe on a path that's more intensely difficult that i ever could have fathomed. fueled solely on the strength of dreams, borne of my own ambition and desire for storytelling - i know i will eventually achieve the success i desperately crave.

however, as i drift deeper in to this abyss, i don't think success will eventually be enough. it has to stand for something more than that. and on some level it will have to incorporate responsibly advancing the pursuit of excellence of this art and placing my stamp on a craft for which there is no proven method.

whether this comes to fruition is anyone's guess. but i know what i have to do, and i refuse to accept failure as an option. no one will deny me of my goals - not even myself - i refuse to acknowledge it.

Halfway Gone.

not sure if there's any significance in posting this video. i just like the song.
and the video is kind of cool, although easy to replicate.

LACMA.

some pics from around the block.



50mm | iso 100 | f5.0 | 1/40




135mm | iso 100 | f5.6 | 1/40

angels.

a little insight into my life as it stands.

Dynamite.

there is literally so much going on right now there isn't enough time to post much of anything [hence the reliance on music]. let's just say for now, my office runneth over with art dept peeps who are easily among the most talented in the industry, *name* people shuffling in-and-out for meetings, plus the core group of storytellers meeting around the clock for what's sure to be an awesome adventure.

it's insane to think that only about 9-months ago I was a student, but in that short span my education has quadrupled to the point that it's hard to reflect on the naive little neophyte that i was. c'est la vie - it's part of the growing/learning process, and if anything this stage in my life is the only point in which there are no regrets for my decisions.

so for now i leave with more hard work ahead, more long hours to endure, and despite my bosses desire to crack the eternal optimism i exude [haha, little does she know] more glorious days of being apart of this fantasy world i call work!

winner.

so cliche. so ridiculous. so me.

mission stmt. v2.8

'I will change the way you see films. the way you watch them. the way you experience the world at 24fps.'

maybe i'm bored with my insane schedule [12-hour work days then gym then reading/writing and factor in commuting] or maybe i'm just being facetious. whatever the case, I cannot make that statement without completely believing in it. no matter how bold, ridiculous or outrageous that statement is, I honestly believe it 100%.

It might sound arrogant, but I do not believe I'm boisterous enough to be considered that - however I'll preside over the notion of being confident instead. i sincerely believe that when all is said and done - i will not only achieve my goals - i will surpass them. when i left my old life behind, i had an inkling that i was destined for this. i felt i would succeed, not matter how long it would take. and now i say this with complete confidence -

i will.

just watch.

song of the day

i find it fascinating how music and lyrics can transform you back to a time that normally would have been lost to the depths of one's imagination. nostalgia is a powerful reminder of what was once great and what was once special. either way - heard this on the radio and instantly made me appreciate the things that were, the things that are and the things that could have been.

enjoy.

Speed Bumps

life is full of these annoying little things. they're everywhere, and whenever you find that all you want to do is sprint to the finish you have to comply and slow. Well, sometimes when the finish is in sight the overwhelming sensation of knowing what's to come compels you to rush.

In the past few months I've realized that I am not just halfway decent at engaging an audience and I will make my mark -- it's only just a matter of time. Success when referenced is only just a term - and it doesn't apply to what I aspire to become. Instead I aim to set a precedent so ridiculously high that I move the very core of those who see what I have to offer.

A whole new crop of dreamers are out there searching for the same thing I am -- inspiration. I'm tired of waiting. It's time to rise and assume command, becoming the one who leads. I know what my vision is and where my heart lies; all I need is a voice.

Despite my excitedness to begin speaking this language, it isn't something that will come over night. I will not rush, and everything that will result will be earned by my own accord. Make no mistake - I will ascend the ranks and while most can't follow where I'm going, I dare you instead -- watch me.

more tunes.

a healthy reminder

Richard Marcinko is one of the most infamous [read: notorious] warriors the US-military has ever spawned. Although I have absolutely nothing in common with the man, apart from reveling in his highly entertaining and influential autobiography "The Rogue Warrior," he has some principles [or as he dictates, 'commandments'] that are helpful to anyone who is trying to achieve their objectives.

My favorite: "Never Be Satisfied"

I already know I won't quit in what I'm doing, but more importantly I know I won't be satisfied. And when you think about it, why would you ever be? Why stop at just doing your best - why not see just how much further you can raise the bar by taking what you're learning and apply it? especially when there are hundreds [if not thousands] of others who would kill to be in the same position?!

Random Thought of the Day

For two years I called Florida home, and despite my immense desire to move out and on to Los Angeles, for whatever reason it still calls to me. I can't seem to grasp why [maybe I did the most growing and maturation as a person while I was there?] --

Who knows - but whatever the reason - one day I'll have to invest in some worn down beach-house/condo near Cocoa and join the legions of retirees spending their days soaking in the warm sea breeze watching the cruise ships idly sail in and out of port [with my camera of course, lol].

Fragmented.

Lately things haven't exactly been according to plan.
[can you sense the irony in that?]

To sum up a vast ranges of emotions into one word, let me just start with challenging and how it applies.

Work is, and will always be, the highlight of my week. It might sound weird to read that, but then again, you do not have my job. However, with the official announcement that we are going to make a third installment of the Men In Black franchise, things have escalated greatly at work. And I love it. Since the movie is officially underway, the challenges we face are now greater and more daunting.

Now that the work update is fulfilled, we'll now change course. On to the harsher stuff. The real 'meat & potatoes' of why I'm blogging tonight.

This month has seen a new set of hidden obstacles for which you never can prepare for. To whit:

The Jeep was stolen*.
My computer along with it.
[and]
My back-up drive, which was in the Jeep too.

I've been writing a million different essay-type journals chronicling what happened the night my car was taken from me. And despite my rage, my anger and my inability to comprehend why this happened - all I can say is that this is easily one of the lowest-points in my life.

My personal life and everything about me and what personified me was ripped away in less than one hour. I've been through too many yelling sessions [my sincere apologies Mom] to get myself back on track. And despite having my heart ripped out - I've concluded one thing: that despite this gut-wrenching unforeseen and unexpected event - my soul is still in tact. That despite having my very identity [of what I was and who I've become] pried from my fire-ey death grip, that I will not break. I will not crumble.

If anything, I am only going to push myself harder. There are no limits to what I am willing to do to succeed in this industry. That despite being the lowest man on the proverbial totem-pole, nothing is going to hold me back from ascending the ranks and accomplishing my objectives. If anything, I'll look back one day say that I did this on my terms, and while the world was pulling me down I shouted obscenities at the wind while flipping off the naysayers tried to hold me back. I am going to succeed. I'm going to do this on my terms. watch me.

And if it takes the core of who I am to temporarily halt my momentum, then so be it, because when I regroup I will only come harder - and more determined than before. I might be down, but I am not out. I still have my camera. but most of all, I still have my passion, my soul, my dreams.

* = [later recovered in Compton]

here are some new pics [edited poorly on iphoto]

music i like.

don't know why i'm on such an oldies kick lately...

Weekend Tunes

There really is no religious intention for my posting of this song, but I heard it on the radio earlier this week and kept telling myself to download it. But, this morning I finally did, and instantly I was transported back to my childhood and those pristine summer days in Seattle. I don't think anything will ever compare...

Anyway, if you get the chance, you should check it out. The song is simple, but as you'll hear the the melody is beautiful. And it's George Harrison, I mean, common who doesn't want to hear anything he makes?!

Dinner For What?!

schmuck | sh mək| (also shmuck)
noun informal
a foolish or contemptible person.

A few days ago - after much anticipation on my part - the trailer for Dinner for Schmucks finally released [see video below]. I've already read differing viewpoints from bloggers and "experts" across the internet about this film, based solely on the trailer - but unlike them I will reserve judgment until the film is released [granted i've read the script, been to set and so forth].

Yes, I am biased as a member of the P/M family [the producers for this project] but at the same time I think people will be in for a surprise when the film hits theaters in mid-July.

Anyway, without wasting more time, here's the trailer. Enjoy!

musings on a mid-work week night

renowned pop culture journalist Chuck Klosterman wrote a book a few years ago entitled, "Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs." In it, he admitted the book, consisting of numerous short stories, originated from a collection of random thoughts he had written each night before bed.

No matter what the line of logic was, these were his thoughts [or at least the best collection of his thoughts]. And, since it's been a while since I've written anything meaningful, I thought I'd take a page out of his book and just ramble on about whatever it is that catches my fancy tonight.

So, here. we. go...

Chapter I: Staging of an Industrial Takeover [or, How I Survived My First Year in LA and Lived to Tell The Tale]

I'm realizing this part of my life is in a perpetual state of chaos. organized chaos, yes. complete FUBAR'd chaos, no. I'd say I'd err on the side of TARFU [or for those of you keeping score at home, that stands for Things Are Really F***ed Up]. work is amazing, although it does have its days. home is another story. and for those of you interested in the work side, I'll get into that --

home is what you make of it, and with 5-people living together in a place meant for 3, it feels more like my fraternity days [minus the good memories, carefree attitude, space or girls]. often times, I try to find an excuse not to be there when i'm not at work. as i've posted before - my weekends are spent searching for solace in the form of a mini vacation near the ocean. yet, during the work week - i'm usually only awake at home for maybe 3-hours out of the day. the rest is either spent at work [12 hr/day], the gym [2 hr/day] or commuting [~1 hr/day]. and please don't mistake what I am saying because, i'm not complaining, but things are not what you imagine when you set out to do something [so crazy, ambitious, insert random adjective here]. what's crazy though, is I am not alone in taking this route. so many successful and well-known filmmakers have already been down this path, and there is no better example than at the beginning of the movie, "Funny People."

If you watch it [it's not that great of a film, so I don't blame you if you haven't seen it/don't like it] archived footage of Adam Sandler is played during the opening credits to illustrate his modest start -- setting the stage for the incredible success that's assumed when the movie begins. This footage, however odd and weird, is actually real video shot by producer Judd Apatow when he and Sandler were just beginning their careers. What neither of them knew at the time [obviously] was that 20+ years later they would be among the most influential minds in comedic film. making that archived footage all the more amazing is that it represents a time in their life when the foundation for their future success was built [and later resurrected].

am I on that path?! now that's an honest good question. And who knows, but what I can tell you is that I feel like I am in the right place. my work place is an incredible arena of industry dealings, happenings and creativity. to me, it represents a fertile landscape plush with innumerable opportunities to learn first hand how big-budget movie-making is done. and with so much staging taking place [we have one film in post, about a dozen in development and one HUGE project that we're gearing to begin production on if the screenplay can come together and the professional relationships can coincide]. at times, it feels like i'm learning to drink through a fire-hose, and while things can become overwhelming, I can't imagine myself finding a better place to begin.

now, what i want to do is something entirely different. while producing is something i'd eventually like to get into - my heart is in a different arena. storytelling. now that leaves a lot of open ground. that could be writing, directing or producing -- but most of all i want to get back to doing is directing. I want to have the say in how an audience perceives a story through my visuals, my characterizations and interpretations from my talent [aka the actors or talking props, haha].

now, while i haven't worked on any projects myself [at least as of late] i'm constantly gathering information, collecting ideas and studying how the real professionals go about their work. am i on their level, oh hell no. not yet, at least. i've met some fairly renowned names in the directing world - and while i haven't had the opportunity to sit down and talk with them one-on-one regarding their craft, i watch. i listen. and i study.

who knows what it will all lead to. but as my ramblings have elaborate toward - i am here to take on all comers. i am here to do what i dreamt of doing. and while the road to success will be covered in potholes [aka the current living situation] and broken promises [that's a story for another time] - my day will come and i will not only achieve this dream. i will surpass all expectations.

that is my goal. that is my pledge. that is my promise.

anyway, i think i've rambled on enough for one night. and if you've made it this far - congratulations. you've won the war of attrition - as i'm sure the other two readers on here have probably quit by now, haha...

The PCH

Sometimes life outside of work is so routine that I feel the need to find that break from reality...enter the PCH. Whenever I'm in need of a two/three-hour vacation from normalcy I tend to find myself migrating toward this picturesque stretch of Pacific roadway and am instantly transformed into a world where things seemingly aren't too dull and mind-numbingly bland.

Bear with me re these pics - I didn't really find anything that sparked me too much today - but here's a small glimpse into the rabbit hole...





Song Of The Week:
Follow Me Down -- by: 3OH!3

VDay

Since my life away from work is dull and non-existant, I lacked a Valentine [again] for "Singles Awareness Day" so I have decided to claim my nieces as my Valentines. Done.

El Matador

Hadn't shot any pics in a while so I went to the beach up near Malibu searching for something to enlighten me. Let me know what you think - enjoy :)

The Golden Globes

It's definitely weirder being on this side of the proverbial fence watching an awards show when you've meet at least a dozen or so of the people that were on tv tonight [meet being used in the context of the professional sense].

It loses a bit of the luster - but it doesn't lessen the weight of the occasion.

Despite having accomplished nothing yet, it does make you feel like you belong...I'm aiming to make that happen.

Bon Nuit

per my previous post and despite all this unrest and unease [and regrettable loathing in self-pity which I hate more than anything] - I understand this is all a part of the process. sort of my own personal weeding out phase. When I think about what I'm on the cusp of there isn't any doubt as to what I'm doing.

Like the age-old adage: when your personal life goes to hell, you know you're doing something right...

...we shall see.

This came on the radio tonight. Cheered me up and made me think of better times. Figured it was only fitting in lieu of everything going on :)

Conflicted

So conflicted right now...

...I hate being at home. there's no one here for me [in LA]. the only place i want to be [all the time] is at work. but i'm limited in the number of days I can work there [or will allow myself to work until they bring me on full-time].

weekends used to be a brief oasis in the midst of a long work week. now i spite them.

I've learned that if you want to have the spotlight, you have to make people want to care...but when no one knows you exist who really cares? I'm working on the former while experiencing the later.

life is hard and i'm a tough son of a b____. after learning of further disappointment today, i know i can get through this...i know i can roll with the punches. then again - in my world - who's around to notice?

Thought of the Day

...I've been let down too many times for something like this to surprise me now

Outlook

Not sure what to make of this next year. One thing is certain, it will be an interesting one - and while I don't have time for self-pity I find myself in the uncomfortable position of indulging in it today.

Why? who knows - but one thing is certain. Over the past few years I've never been more isolated and alone in my life. Chasing after something that is singularly mine - no one can comprehend what it is I'm doing except me. And in the process it has cost me personally - making me nothing more than a distant memory in the minds of those who were once closest to me.

In time that will change, but for now I travel alone down an isolated boulevard of dreams. And in time they will remember, only to find I am no longer the person they once knew - instead wishing that they'd never let go -