saturdays are for resting.

it's amazing what a little music can do.

just like any saturday, i went on a prolonged run. on my usual trail. my normal routine. and then a specific song kicked in.

i don't know if it was due to the events preceding the run, the fact i haven't heard that song in a while (read: FOREVER) or if it was because in heightened moments of physical exertion you're more prone to question the meaning of life. whatever.

regardless, the accompanying epiphany added something that's been lacking a lot lately. clarity.

since i've been working for Walter and Laurie, i've been reluctant to keep chasing after what i want. there are no excuses for this. i've been lazy (not that 12-hour work days and 60+ hour work weeks constitutes being lazy). but i've painted myself into a corner due to my own inability to seize opportunities. and while my own understanding of story and storytelling continually grows, it's my own lack of applying this skill that's hindered my ability to evolve to what i wish to one day become.

in order to succeed you not only have to be lucky, but you have to be disciplined and apply yourself to commit wholly, 100-percent. no matter what. no matter the risk. no matter the consequences. and settling for drafting in the wake of someone else's success is not why i left arizona and not something i wish to settle for.

which brings me back to the run. inspired by the rediscovered melody, i realized those perceived barriers are entirely self-imposed. and if you are to have that 'breakthough' you have to be willing to test those limits and forge a path that not only inspires, but pushes you past your boundaries and out of your comfort zone. to a place where you are free to transform into the very thing you wish to become.

but knowing that is one thing – taking the first step is another…

8.9

thoughts and prayers go out to those affected by the earthquake and tsunamis in japan and across the pacific rim.

la, you're officially on notice.

seasons come and go.

the wall.

can i ask - what the hell is it about the proverbial 'wall'? it's out there, staring at us. taunting, waiting, drooling for the opportune moment to snarl us with it's gangrenous claws to choke the life out of us...

as mental exhaustion segued by waning spirits pushes me further from who i am, i find myself forced to make a decision. to either wilt, take the easy route and crumble under a maelstrom of trivialities, or...

shut up, fight back and force life to change my luck. too long have i been bitching. too long have i been complaining about what i don't have. and too long have i allowed myself to believe i am a victim because life hasn't worked out the way it was intended...

i'm tired. i'm over-extended. i'm not getting any younger. i'm sick of allowing life to push me around, dictating the flow when i have the ultimate say. i'm tired of being 'too tired' all the time as i rest and wallow in my comfort zone, waiting. (waiting for what?)

that 'wall' is coming, as my patience dwindles. eff it. how i let my attitude affect me will ultimately decide the outcome. what the result will be is anyone's guess, but this comfort zone needs to go.