September

So the month of September classes are finally over. Although I have one lab left on Saturday, I can say that I'm glad to be done with this month and I've done well in the classroom again.

This month hasn't been easy for me, and it's actually been by far the toughest to date. However, that is not necessitated by the difficulty of the classes. For most of this month I've been on a sleep schedule that hasn't afforded me much of a chance to rest. I find that I'm constantly waking up throughout the night and actual rest is few and far between.

I've tried to keep myself occupied by doing research for my idea for 35mm in May - but I often times will burn myself out within the first few hours. On Monday, I finally received the NASA doc "When We Left The Earth" and I watched all 8-hours of it...twice. I've been finding that those men who I've been reading about and literally watching in those docs are people whose belief in themselves, their mission and those around them are the people that I wish to aspire to become one day. That doesn't mean I want to be an astronaut - what it does mean is that those men had a goal and a collective conscience and the support to reach to the heavens and do the unthinkable. They are truly remarkable men - and hopefully I can parlay their heroism truthfully as I finish writing this script.

As for everything else, and I know you wanted me to go to Disneyworld mom, but unfortunately I haven't done much else. I've gone to the beach a couple times by myself - if nothing more than to get away. Unfortunately, those excursions were not initially planned to be solo adventures - but the people at Full Sail don't leave me with much of a choice when I'm continually being bailed out on at the last minute. I'm trying to cope with things one day at a time - and while I do have my good moments, the bad ones are more often than not right around the corner. But all I can do right now though is take it one day at a time and hope that as time passes things get better - which I know they eventually will. But in the meantime - all I ask is that you all please be patient with me, because I know this loathing in self-pity bs is starting to get old. I want to thank all of you for your support (Jen the cookies were a big hit) - and I want to promise all of you that although I might not be 100% focused I'm still giving 100% of my heart to the reason why I'm here in FL.

Moving On

So I know the people that read this already know exactly what's going on in my life, but I figured I would update this for you anyway. As most of you know by now, Kathrine and I have ended our relationship. I don't have much to say on the matter (and without getting too soapy) I just want to say that she's an amazing person and someone who will always have my respect and will always have a piece of my heart.

I cannot say the past few days have been easy, but then again they never are after something so amazing ends. I will always look at my first months here in Florida with awe and be glad that during that hard transition in my life I had someone there to help me through it and share in the joys and pains associated with it.

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As for school, things are pretty much the same. Despite the distractions this week has brought about, I scored 100s on all my tests. For those successes though, I did fail in getting my story green-lit for advanced lighting. My group is going to film someone else's story, and although there was a lot of interest in my idea, I later discovered that what I had written was not exactly proper grammar. I guess trying to write something intelligent despite an obvious lack of sleep isn't the best idea. Either way, I am going to re-write the script and see if we can't film it some other time.

As for projects outside of class - there isn't a whole lot going on right now. I dropped out of acting in one of my friends movies this weekend because honestly I cannot focus right now. There isn't anything worse than letting down your friends, but they knew I wasn't all there and they had already made arrangements before I told them I couldn't go.

As some of you know, I have class tonight at 1am - so hopefully I can get a few hours of reprieve from this cycle of emptiness. There isn't anything I enjoy more than being on set right now, and those few moments are the lone bright spot for me right now. I'm not sure, but I think after class I might take a drive to the beach.

I've always found comfort in the ocean - and right now I need something that brings me some happiness. I guess that's about it for now, but apart from that, please know that I appreciate everyone's calls for support during this time. Thank you for everything.