For every athlete there's always that 'moment' when they know they've arrived or when they feel like they can compete with their level of competition; whether it's pro-level or collegiate. Sometimes it's the first time they get hit, for others it when they break a long run or score a touchdown. Well, today I had my 'moment' professionally.
Four months ago I was in Florida still orchestrating a game plan to follow to spawn a career in film. Today, I was reassured of what I'm a part of and the industry I call mine.
Only a few weeks ago I was promoted from Intern to Office PA, and despite my relative lack of time there and newness to my position, none other than Mr. Tom Hanks sent me a Christmas gift. Stop right now and re-read that sentence. Yes, 'The Hanks' sent me a gift! How does one react to that?
A: By doing cartwheels in the parking lot
Well, of course the day doesn't just end on a note like that. It has to get better, right?! Yeah, well it did. This 'moment' of mine extended itself for a few more hours. Don't ask me how or why it happened, but I ended up on the set of our latest project. It's a comedy that I'm sure everyone reading this will watch in the theaters next summer. Well as things would be, I kind of ran into both of the main characters when I was walking through the set. One of which plays Michael Scott on The Office. Yes, him. Again, I seriously had to ask myself - WTF!!
A: Because you got THE job.
Now I realize where I work is a place where I have the privilege of working with some of the greatest minds in the business. But today was my 'moment' when it clicked. It made me realize how fortunate I am. It humbled me. But most of all, it gave me perspective on what I am trying to do.
As of this post, I am nothing in The Industry. I'm less than nothing in the eyes of the Film Gods, but today they allowed me to see and understand. It was my first hit in the game and it woke me up. I know I am ready and now I have a foot in the door. Today, it was determined that I am a part of the industry.
Watch out World. Here I Come.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
The Most Reassuring Thing
Not only have the past few weeks been a whirlwind adventure now that I am employed in the industry -- but I've seen, worked for and assisted with the best in the biz -- and I know I can compete.
I just need more strokes of unbelievable luck, an extensive network of young, hungry and talented literary agents and connections with the right people...
stay tuned and watch - should be an interesting couple of years.
The "5-year plan" is at about it's 5% mark - time to stop blogging and get back to work!
I just need more strokes of unbelievable luck, an extensive network of young, hungry and talented literary agents and connections with the right people...
stay tuned and watch - should be an interesting couple of years.
The "5-year plan" is at about it's 5% mark - time to stop blogging and get back to work!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Recollection of the Day
I'm realizing I literally need to carry my camera everywhere I go. Otherwise these posts don't do much justice for what I see, granted I'm sure what I see is completely different than you, lol.
This morning when I was driving back to the Land of LA I was rendered speechless when I got onto I-5. Just as I made the turn south, the sun was straining to break the horizon creating a surrealistic halo of florescent oranges, yellows and pinks in the distance illuminating the agricultural landscape. It was one of the most powerful sights I've ever seen *and then* Roy Orbison's 'You Got It" came on the radio.
So there I was - driving South back to my life in fantasy land blaring [and singing to] an all-time classic. Smiles all around. The story of my life as it is :)
Amazing sight. Amazing song. It doesn't get any better.
This morning when I was driving back to the Land of LA I was rendered speechless when I got onto I-5. Just as I made the turn south, the sun was straining to break the horizon creating a surrealistic halo of florescent oranges, yellows and pinks in the distance illuminating the agricultural landscape. It was one of the most powerful sights I've ever seen *and then* Roy Orbison's 'You Got It" came on the radio.
So there I was - driving South back to my life in fantasy land blaring [and singing to] an all-time classic. Smiles all around. The story of my life as it is :)
Amazing sight. Amazing song. It doesn't get any better.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
LA
Trying to figure out my favorite moment from today...
right now it's a toss up between:
...driving to the exec's house next to the beach in Santa Monica when 'One' by U2 comes on the radio...
-or-
...driving to the exec's house (again) this time at sunset when 'Bittersweet Symphony' by The Verve comes on the radio...
hmmm...sometimes life's hard, lol...
right now it's a toss up between:
...driving to the exec's house next to the beach in Santa Monica when 'One' by U2 comes on the radio...
-or-
...driving to the exec's house (again) this time at sunset when 'Bittersweet Symphony' by The Verve comes on the radio...
hmmm...sometimes life's hard, lol...
Monday, November 23, 2009
random thought of the day/night
of the pics I've taken, why is it that I find the most appealing ones are the most flawed?
what it comes down to.
Nobody who takes on anything big and tough can afford to be modest.
-Orson Welles
-Orson Welles
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Random Musings (part dos)
How is it that for someone who lives in the second most populous city in the nation, there can be a feeling of isolation? I don't know what it is - maybe it's isolation through claustrophobia or maybe it is a feeling of lack of belonging or maybe it's just frustration borne of a desire to be doing more than I already am...
...either way this is entirely way too frustrating and I'm starting to feel the effects of this.
This morning I woke up early, as is the norm, but I couldn't manage to pull myself out of bed until nearly 3pm. It wasn't because I was lazy - I was experiencing another excruciating series of paralyzing migraines, which for the first time since I've been here rendered me useless. It had been nearly two-years since I'd felt anything remotely close to this, but then it hit me, right now I'm extremely frustrated.
For the better part of the last two years, I had the opportunity to do something most people never get to do and chase after their dreams. While I was evolving and growing in the incubator that is Full Sail, I learned more than I ever thought I would and I realized that without a doubt this industry and this crazy ass dream is what I was meant for. This is who I am and this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. Which leads me too...
...this morning.
My frustrations are borne from the knowledge that until I evolve within the industry, I have to pay my dues and grind my gears in a near state of "industry-paralysis". That's not to say I don't love my internship - because I do. But what it means, is only working a few days a week and not on consecutive days creates difficulties for me to establish a sense of familiarity and synch-ness with my bosses. Although I have an understanding for my responsibilities and I perform them as well as I can given the circumstances - it's hard to instill that sense of competency in those for whom I work - and in turn leaves me often times feeling incompetent and searching.
Am I capable of doing more? Yes. Am I capable of performing better? Yes. Am I looking for excuses? No. But, it's the reality that until I am established in this industry I must endure a baptism of frustration in painstaking detail. And as a person who has spent the majority of their adult life not knowing who the hell they were, let alone searching for what they wanted to do, I find myself stuck in 'go' mode continually wanting to do more and immerse myself into this industry as much as possible. Which leads me to the hardest part of my day. The drive home...
...leaving work.
The most difficult part of my day is easily when 7pm rolls around. My hours are the industry standard; 9am to 7pm. And despite my desire to stay behind I am constantly reminded around 7:15 that it's time for me to leave. I love my internship, I love doing script coverage, answering phones (to a degree), but most of all I love the reminder on the walls (in the form of posters representing billions of dollars worth of B.O. that we were responsible for) that I am a part of a unique industry. One in which we flock to en masse to be entertained, polarized, inspired and pulled out from our everyday lives to be taken into someone else's where anything imaginable truly is possible. And as I make my way home, I reflect on my life.
It usually starts when I think about how much I despise going home (we currently have 8-people living there now), how I wish I could get away but can't afford to, or how I wish I had friends (like the ones I had in Arizona and Florida) so I could go over to their house or meet them for coffee. And then anger tends to consume me, because it hurts to be reminded of the fact that the people I love and care for the most, the people I have met along the way and the ones who inspire me are scattered all over, both far and away. But none here, with me…
…and then it hits me.
I am the most fortunate and lucky bastard anyone has ever met. I might be 'suffering' from not having a full-time paying job right now, but I am blessed with a family with the financial backing to aide me through this period. I might be frustrated beyond words with my current situation and inability to work more days, but everyone’s patience with me is beyond comprehension. I am often lost, narrow-sighted and ignorant of my own situation to a fault, but without fail, those closest to me remind me of the real issues that matter, the fights that are worth fighting and the real task at hand. And to a fault, I bicker with them (mostly my parents) complaining just because I lose sight of things. I lose sight of myself.
And despite feeling lonely in the second most populous city in the US, in the most crowded and cramped apartment one could imagine, things could be worse. This morning my struggles to get out of bed served as a new reminder of how rare a hand I have been dealt. And while this morning I wanted like to shout and scream at the top of my lungs for things to get better, for my life to change – I look at it now with a sense of amusement – because how does it get better? It simply doesn’t. And for that I am grateful for the love my parents give me, the sacrifices they have made for me and for the patience they have afforded me. They don’t deserve the pestering and troubles I give them, but despite myself, they do it anyways. And one day I plan to make good on my promise, and when that day comes – we’ll all look back at days like today and remember them for what they were…
…a reminder of what is to come.
...either way this is entirely way too frustrating and I'm starting to feel the effects of this.
This morning I woke up early, as is the norm, but I couldn't manage to pull myself out of bed until nearly 3pm. It wasn't because I was lazy - I was experiencing another excruciating series of paralyzing migraines, which for the first time since I've been here rendered me useless. It had been nearly two-years since I'd felt anything remotely close to this, but then it hit me, right now I'm extremely frustrated.
For the better part of the last two years, I had the opportunity to do something most people never get to do and chase after their dreams. While I was evolving and growing in the incubator that is Full Sail, I learned more than I ever thought I would and I realized that without a doubt this industry and this crazy ass dream is what I was meant for. This is who I am and this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. Which leads me too...
...this morning.
My frustrations are borne from the knowledge that until I evolve within the industry, I have to pay my dues and grind my gears in a near state of "industry-paralysis". That's not to say I don't love my internship - because I do. But what it means, is only working a few days a week and not on consecutive days creates difficulties for me to establish a sense of familiarity and synch-ness with my bosses. Although I have an understanding for my responsibilities and I perform them as well as I can given the circumstances - it's hard to instill that sense of competency in those for whom I work - and in turn leaves me often times feeling incompetent and searching.
Am I capable of doing more? Yes. Am I capable of performing better? Yes. Am I looking for excuses? No. But, it's the reality that until I am established in this industry I must endure a baptism of frustration in painstaking detail. And as a person who has spent the majority of their adult life not knowing who the hell they were, let alone searching for what they wanted to do, I find myself stuck in 'go' mode continually wanting to do more and immerse myself into this industry as much as possible. Which leads me to the hardest part of my day. The drive home...
...leaving work.
The most difficult part of my day is easily when 7pm rolls around. My hours are the industry standard; 9am to 7pm. And despite my desire to stay behind I am constantly reminded around 7:15 that it's time for me to leave. I love my internship, I love doing script coverage, answering phones (to a degree), but most of all I love the reminder on the walls (in the form of posters representing billions of dollars worth of B.O. that we were responsible for) that I am a part of a unique industry. One in which we flock to en masse to be entertained, polarized, inspired and pulled out from our everyday lives to be taken into someone else's where anything imaginable truly is possible. And as I make my way home, I reflect on my life.
It usually starts when I think about how much I despise going home (we currently have 8-people living there now), how I wish I could get away but can't afford to, or how I wish I had friends (like the ones I had in Arizona and Florida) so I could go over to their house or meet them for coffee. And then anger tends to consume me, because it hurts to be reminded of the fact that the people I love and care for the most, the people I have met along the way and the ones who inspire me are scattered all over, both far and away. But none here, with me…
…and then it hits me.
I am the most fortunate and lucky bastard anyone has ever met. I might be 'suffering' from not having a full-time paying job right now, but I am blessed with a family with the financial backing to aide me through this period. I might be frustrated beyond words with my current situation and inability to work more days, but everyone’s patience with me is beyond comprehension. I am often lost, narrow-sighted and ignorant of my own situation to a fault, but without fail, those closest to me remind me of the real issues that matter, the fights that are worth fighting and the real task at hand. And to a fault, I bicker with them (mostly my parents) complaining just because I lose sight of things. I lose sight of myself.
And despite feeling lonely in the second most populous city in the US, in the most crowded and cramped apartment one could imagine, things could be worse. This morning my struggles to get out of bed served as a new reminder of how rare a hand I have been dealt. And while this morning I wanted like to shout and scream at the top of my lungs for things to get better, for my life to change – I look at it now with a sense of amusement – because how does it get better? It simply doesn’t. And for that I am grateful for the love my parents give me, the sacrifices they have made for me and for the patience they have afforded me. They don’t deserve the pestering and troubles I give them, but despite myself, they do it anyways. And one day I plan to make good on my promise, and when that day comes – we’ll all look back at days like today and remember them for what they were…
…a reminder of what is to come.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Focus.
Often times I think we are sidetracked by things we wish we had. Apparitions of our inner most desires create illusions that consumes us, which we obsess over and believe will make our lives better. But more often than not, we fall into the trap of focusing too much on that which we cannot have instead of what really should be looking at.
Lately I've been guilty on all accounts. Maybe it's my active imagination creating fantasies of how I want things to be, or maybe it's me. plain and simple.
Earlier today someone said something that I inadvertently overheard. It was directed at me, and while the content of the comment was meant to entertain, it reminded me of a similar position I was in a few years ago. It made me realize that right now, despite being solely focused on jump starting a career, I am not mentally there right now. This industry, despite its luster, can be one of the harshest. It's one of the few industries that is so globally influential that it supports an entire separate multi-billion dollar industry designed to criticize, mock and examine it. In short, one has to be completely focused if you are to survive, let alone make a career out of it.
With this realization, I understand that starting tomorrow things need to change. I need to change. Now is a time to focus. To be crystal clear with my objectives. Maintain an order of discipline. But, of course keep a sense of humor :)
Lately I've been guilty on all accounts. Maybe it's my active imagination creating fantasies of how I want things to be, or maybe it's me. plain and simple.
Earlier today someone said something that I inadvertently overheard. It was directed at me, and while the content of the comment was meant to entertain, it reminded me of a similar position I was in a few years ago. It made me realize that right now, despite being solely focused on jump starting a career, I am not mentally there right now. This industry, despite its luster, can be one of the harshest. It's one of the few industries that is so globally influential that it supports an entire separate multi-billion dollar industry designed to criticize, mock and examine it. In short, one has to be completely focused if you are to survive, let alone make a career out of it.
With this realization, I understand that starting tomorrow things need to change. I need to change. Now is a time to focus. To be crystal clear with my objectives. Maintain an order of discipline. But, of course keep a sense of humor :)
Friday, October 2, 2009
The LA Life
Sorry for the delayed postings on here - but quite a bit has been happening in the past few weeks. The biggest of which I moved to LA, graduation and now INTERNSHIP!!!
So where to start?!
Well for starters, the portion of my life that we'll call The Blueprint (aka my life in Florida) is now over and I have entered into a new chapter called, The Takeover (aka my life in LA) haha. The move was amazing, and I cannot thank Mom and Dad, Jen and Craig for how much you all helped me get back to the West Coast!!
After getting back here and spending a few days up North at home, I moved down to Southern California and the jungle we know now as LA. I've been here roughly 10-days now and in that time I've written, rewritten my CV/CL too many times to track. The past 10-days have been fun but extremely frustrating finding work, but all of that has now changed...
...this morning I interviewed at a dream place to work, I won't list the name on here because of stupid internet search engines, but I will say the people I am working for are among the movers and shakers in this industry. Big big big stuff going on there and now I'm going to do my best to help them out as much possible. More than anything, this is where my education truly begins, as this company and the people who run it are among the most influential in the industry!!!!!
I guess if I was looking for a the most ridiculously perfect place to start, albeit unpaid at the moment (there is potential for growth), I couldn't ask for a better group of people to work for and cut my teeth under. All in all, things are starting to fall into place. With the industry job filled, now it's time to find something that will finally pay the bills...Starbucks anyone?! haha...
Anyway, so much going on right now, but I'm so excited for this opportunity. There are sure to be some bad times, but there are sure to be some great times too! Who knows what door will open next or what opportunity will present itself - but whatever happens, I know I am in the perfect company to begin!
Wish me luck as the next chapter now begins on what is turning out to be quite the journey!!!
So where to start?!
Well for starters, the portion of my life that we'll call The Blueprint (aka my life in Florida) is now over and I have entered into a new chapter called, The Takeover (aka my life in LA) haha. The move was amazing, and I cannot thank Mom and Dad, Jen and Craig for how much you all helped me get back to the West Coast!!
After getting back here and spending a few days up North at home, I moved down to Southern California and the jungle we know now as LA. I've been here roughly 10-days now and in that time I've written, rewritten my CV/CL too many times to track. The past 10-days have been fun but extremely frustrating finding work, but all of that has now changed...
...this morning I interviewed at a dream place to work, I won't list the name on here because of stupid internet search engines, but I will say the people I am working for are among the movers and shakers in this industry. Big big big stuff going on there and now I'm going to do my best to help them out as much possible. More than anything, this is where my education truly begins, as this company and the people who run it are among the most influential in the industry!!!!!
I guess if I was looking for a the most ridiculously perfect place to start, albeit unpaid at the moment (there is potential for growth), I couldn't ask for a better group of people to work for and cut my teeth under. All in all, things are starting to fall into place. With the industry job filled, now it's time to find something that will finally pay the bills...Starbucks anyone?! haha...
Anyway, so much going on right now, but I'm so excited for this opportunity. There are sure to be some bad times, but there are sure to be some great times too! Who knows what door will open next or what opportunity will present itself - but whatever happens, I know I am in the perfect company to begin!
Wish me luck as the next chapter now begins on what is turning out to be quite the journey!!!
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Evolution
Since I've been in Florida I've grown immensely in understanding cinema, the art of orchestrating a project from concept to finished (deliverables) product, and how to cope with the solidarity that this business, this industry, thrusts upon those who wish to accomplish their dreams. For me, Full Sail can be summed up in a few words, but also with a lot of emotion.
I guess the purpose of this post is to briefly describe some of the steps of this evolution that I've experienced since I've been here in Florida.
Digital Cinematography: Assuming Leadership
I remember going into class not knowing what to do. It was the first month I was fully integrated with my new (and graduating) class, I didn't know anyone and the egos in the class were obvious. Furthermore, when the opportunity to assume an immediate leadership role arose, in the position of Production Manager (PM) for my group, I was timid about taking that responsibility. I didn't know anyone, and it was going to be hard. I could have taken the easy route and done nothing, but after more than a few discussions, I decided to step up, lead and make my mark.
As a result, my group did a great job working together and we had by far the most fun of any group in our class. The result of this was a pseudo group the formed among us (we don't consider ourselves a clique because we like to work with everyone) as the "other" dominant film crew in our class. And we stayed fairly true to that all the way until now.
I look back at this class, and despite our neophyte status, I think we did a fairly good job. I was speaking to one of our teachers the other day, and she told me that she's still never had a group quite like ours. Our movie wasn't great, but then again it wasn't supposed to be. The class wasn't about a finished product, but about the crew that put it together. It was my first true learning experience, and the beginning of what was to come...
Documentary Storytelling: A Period of Healing
This is without a doubt the most rewarding project I worked on while at Full Sail. Up until the night before we shot the documentary we didn't know if we were really going to make this project happen. But, when I finally heard David's voice on the other end of the line and he conveyed his enthusiasm for this project, I knew it was for real.
This project was something of a dream for me. Back when the Beijing Olympics were happening I had heard about a local Olympic sprinter who had a good chance at medaling and possibly winning the 110m high hurdles. It was at this time that I tried everything I could think of to get in contact with David Oliver. As things would turn out, communication initially started well with his manager but went cold right after the season ended, and all seemed lost.
It was around that time too, I went through one of the most trying periods of my life and a time when I don't think I ever felt more hurt, lonelier or isolated. There were a lot of emotions flying around as things spiraled downward quickly; completely out of control. There were more than a few conversations that involved quitting Full Sail and giving up on this dream, and myself. It got to the point where couldn't watch movies and most of the time I would just lay in bed, motionless...
...and then the impossible happened.
About mid-way through October, I shot an email to David's manager on a whim. I hadn't heard anything in almost two-months, but I figured why not. Amazingly there was a response, and then more correspondence and finally contact with David's coach. I couldn't believe it, this looked like it might actually happen...and surely enough it did.
As we were filming, hearing David's story firsthand - about a wonderfully gifted prodigy who followed his dream, took his talents for granted, nearly lost everything, only to regain it again and achieve unparalleled success - meant more to me than he could know. David is someone who stature as an elite athlete gives him privileges most of us will never experience, yet without meeting me, he allowed my crew to come into his home (his personal space) and document him and his story.
What resulted from that were about 2-weeks without sleep, continually working on editing, cutting and putting together a documentary that I felt best expressed David's life. Yet, as my editor and I approached our own finish line at 5am the morning of my birthday I couldn't help but tear-up, knowing this project which had consumed me, breathed new life into my lungs and brought me back from my personal purgatory, was ending.
As I left lab at 7am, I received an unexpected text. It was David. It simply said, "Happy Birthday."
I don't know what I did next, but I know I the tears began to flow as a gauntlet of emotions overwhelmed me. I didn't have anything left that morning, but after months of wandering aimlessly, David helped me find my way again. His friendship showed me humility, his story inspired in me to chase my dreams, but most of all his sincerity helped me find myself again.
I continue text David every once in a while, and whether he knows it or not, he helped me more than he'll ever know. And his friendship has been instrumental to everything that has come to follow.
16mm: The Beginning
For those of us who slaved over our portfolios for 16mm, we were rewarded with the positions we desired. I was pleasantly awarded the sought after position of director for the 'Alone'.
For those who know me well, it's been well documented that my #1 all-time movie is Alien. It all started for me growing up, because it was the first movie that I genuinely had continual nightmares about and it affected me in ways no other movie has. As a result, I'm a bit of a sci-fi geek and was immediately drawn to the story of a man alone in space as he slowly loses his sanity.
As for this project, we weren't granted absolute freedom to shoot this as we had to abide by set restrictions to film this movie per the parameters of our class (a pointless Full Sail rule that is complete and utter crap). Yet, this was the first opportunity for me to delve into the realm of actual film directing and immerse myself into the position of desire. And as the saying goes, with great power comes great responsibility - and I was lucky enough to have an outstanding crew aide me in working seamlessly to create a finished product that will be remembered for some time.
There were many things about this project that stand out, both good and bad.
Preproduction was tiring and difficult as we spent countless hours building our set - breaking in after the other crews finished filming and leaving just before they arrived for their call times the following morning, 'borrowing' props from rundown empty buildings that were about to be torn down, and learning about film through the eyes of what some in my core group consider our biggest competition in the class. Most of all, I learned about what I needed to do to set myself up for success when the time to call action was needed .
However, production was another story. I will not go into too many details about the trivialities that still harbors a bad taste in my mouth. Going in, I knew I had some of the hardest shots to accomplish and I was given only a fraction of the time to accomplish them that the other directors were afforded. Politics were an issue. Yet, despite our problems (among them involving me creating a new way to shoot an entire scene in 30-minutes that ended up containing arguably our best shots from the film credit, having the DP call action for a shot without my approval, and the continual behind the back slandering on set) we ended up finishing ahead of schedule and under budget (filmwise).
From this, I learned first and foremost that filmmaking is a series of compromises. There will always issues that arise, and the best always have an answer (either right or wrong) to solve that problem rather than sitting on it and losing it. I also learned how to communicate with my talent. This was the first time I had ever done this in a setting like this, and I know I made a lot of mistakes but at least I know what they were and how to fix them. And lastly, I learned how to take a project from the ground and mold it into a finished product.
No matter what I feel or how much I would like to have some things back from this set, I wouldn't change it for anything. It's alway the mistakes that we learn from the most - and although this project turned out better than anyone would have expected, the mistakes are there and from it I learned how to improve myself for the next film to come along.
This Film served as the mark of the beginning for what's to come. And it will always represent my first efforts to put something together to show my talents as best I can.
35mm: The Personal Journey
I don't know what I can say about Final Project that hasn't already been said before in this blog. The only way I can sum it up is as a personal journey into filmmaking. There were no easy outs, no other directors or teachers to assist, but most of all looking past having my peers sit and watch me direct for 4 12-hour days, scrutinizing me and my every move (as only film students can do), as I worked on piecing together something that meant something to me but for which my crew had no active interest in other than for a grade.
It began as just a little thought in the back of my head from the first place I visited when I moved to Florida; Kennedy Space Center. And yet, it morphed into something that I will most likely be remembered for long after my time here has passed.
This experience was a series of trials and in the end, given circumstances that could have acted as serious detractors (we had issues with actors' egos, the 1st AD quit, sound problems, ruined cans of film, etc) that would severely hampered any of the other projects, we overcame it all and finished off what I consider my first true film.
When we wrapped, there were a lot of compliments thrown around, including one from our lead actor Paul Boffano who wrote my 2nd AD and me," I had such a great time and it was such a positive experience. Your graciousness and professionalism throughout the entire shoot was nothing less than amazing. I don't think I'll miss my guess when I say that both of you have very exciting and successful careers ahead of you. I'm so glad I could be apart of your film."
I honestly do not care what my classmates think of me - but when the person who puts their trust in you like our actors do, and they come back to thank you, that's how know you're on the right path and that you are doing something right. Paul was nothing short of amazing on set, and reading his words left me humbled. Because in the end, it's the actor who is on screen and the audience who has to believe their performance. That involves a lot of trust and is also a very difficult thing to accomplish. And in the end, those are the only two opinions that matter to me...and I couldn't be more humbled to know that we had such a positive affect on Paul...and as I later learned, the entire crew as well as the instructors.
I guess the purpose of this post is to briefly describe some of the steps of this evolution that I've experienced since I've been here in Florida.
Digital Cinematography: Assuming Leadership
I remember going into class not knowing what to do. It was the first month I was fully integrated with my new (and graduating) class, I didn't know anyone and the egos in the class were obvious. Furthermore, when the opportunity to assume an immediate leadership role arose, in the position of Production Manager (PM) for my group, I was timid about taking that responsibility. I didn't know anyone, and it was going to be hard. I could have taken the easy route and done nothing, but after more than a few discussions, I decided to step up, lead and make my mark.
As a result, my group did a great job working together and we had by far the most fun of any group in our class. The result of this was a pseudo group the formed among us (we don't consider ourselves a clique because we like to work with everyone) as the "other" dominant film crew in our class. And we stayed fairly true to that all the way until now.
I look back at this class, and despite our neophyte status, I think we did a fairly good job. I was speaking to one of our teachers the other day, and she told me that she's still never had a group quite like ours. Our movie wasn't great, but then again it wasn't supposed to be. The class wasn't about a finished product, but about the crew that put it together. It was my first true learning experience, and the beginning of what was to come...
Documentary Storytelling: A Period of Healing
This is without a doubt the most rewarding project I worked on while at Full Sail. Up until the night before we shot the documentary we didn't know if we were really going to make this project happen. But, when I finally heard David's voice on the other end of the line and he conveyed his enthusiasm for this project, I knew it was for real.
This project was something of a dream for me. Back when the Beijing Olympics were happening I had heard about a local Olympic sprinter who had a good chance at medaling and possibly winning the 110m high hurdles. It was at this time that I tried everything I could think of to get in contact with David Oliver. As things would turn out, communication initially started well with his manager but went cold right after the season ended, and all seemed lost.
It was around that time too, I went through one of the most trying periods of my life and a time when I don't think I ever felt more hurt, lonelier or isolated. There were a lot of emotions flying around as things spiraled downward quickly; completely out of control. There were more than a few conversations that involved quitting Full Sail and giving up on this dream, and myself. It got to the point where couldn't watch movies and most of the time I would just lay in bed, motionless...
...and then the impossible happened.
About mid-way through October, I shot an email to David's manager on a whim. I hadn't heard anything in almost two-months, but I figured why not. Amazingly there was a response, and then more correspondence and finally contact with David's coach. I couldn't believe it, this looked like it might actually happen...and surely enough it did.
As we were filming, hearing David's story firsthand - about a wonderfully gifted prodigy who followed his dream, took his talents for granted, nearly lost everything, only to regain it again and achieve unparalleled success - meant more to me than he could know. David is someone who stature as an elite athlete gives him privileges most of us will never experience, yet without meeting me, he allowed my crew to come into his home (his personal space) and document him and his story.
What resulted from that were about 2-weeks without sleep, continually working on editing, cutting and putting together a documentary that I felt best expressed David's life. Yet, as my editor and I approached our own finish line at 5am the morning of my birthday I couldn't help but tear-up, knowing this project which had consumed me, breathed new life into my lungs and brought me back from my personal purgatory, was ending.
As I left lab at 7am, I received an unexpected text. It was David. It simply said, "Happy Birthday."
I don't know what I did next, but I know I the tears began to flow as a gauntlet of emotions overwhelmed me. I didn't have anything left that morning, but after months of wandering aimlessly, David helped me find my way again. His friendship showed me humility, his story inspired in me to chase my dreams, but most of all his sincerity helped me find myself again.
I continue text David every once in a while, and whether he knows it or not, he helped me more than he'll ever know. And his friendship has been instrumental to everything that has come to follow.
16mm: The Beginning
For those of us who slaved over our portfolios for 16mm, we were rewarded with the positions we desired. I was pleasantly awarded the sought after position of director for the 'Alone'.
For those who know me well, it's been well documented that my #1 all-time movie is Alien. It all started for me growing up, because it was the first movie that I genuinely had continual nightmares about and it affected me in ways no other movie has. As a result, I'm a bit of a sci-fi geek and was immediately drawn to the story of a man alone in space as he slowly loses his sanity.
As for this project, we weren't granted absolute freedom to shoot this as we had to abide by set restrictions to film this movie per the parameters of our class (a pointless Full Sail rule that is complete and utter crap). Yet, this was the first opportunity for me to delve into the realm of actual film directing and immerse myself into the position of desire. And as the saying goes, with great power comes great responsibility - and I was lucky enough to have an outstanding crew aide me in working seamlessly to create a finished product that will be remembered for some time.
There were many things about this project that stand out, both good and bad.
Preproduction was tiring and difficult as we spent countless hours building our set - breaking in after the other crews finished filming and leaving just before they arrived for their call times the following morning, 'borrowing' props from rundown empty buildings that were about to be torn down, and learning about film through the eyes of what some in my core group consider our biggest competition in the class. Most of all, I learned about what I needed to do to set myself up for success when the time to call action was needed .
However, production was another story. I will not go into too many details about the trivialities that still harbors a bad taste in my mouth. Going in, I knew I had some of the hardest shots to accomplish and I was given only a fraction of the time to accomplish them that the other directors were afforded. Politics were an issue. Yet, despite our problems (among them involving me creating a new way to shoot an entire scene in 30-minutes that ended up containing arguably our best shots from the film credit, having the DP call action for a shot without my approval, and the continual behind the back slandering on set) we ended up finishing ahead of schedule and under budget (filmwise).
From this, I learned first and foremost that filmmaking is a series of compromises. There will always issues that arise, and the best always have an answer (either right or wrong) to solve that problem rather than sitting on it and losing it. I also learned how to communicate with my talent. This was the first time I had ever done this in a setting like this, and I know I made a lot of mistakes but at least I know what they were and how to fix them. And lastly, I learned how to take a project from the ground and mold it into a finished product.
No matter what I feel or how much I would like to have some things back from this set, I wouldn't change it for anything. It's alway the mistakes that we learn from the most - and although this project turned out better than anyone would have expected, the mistakes are there and from it I learned how to improve myself for the next film to come along.
This Film served as the mark of the beginning for what's to come. And it will always represent my first efforts to put something together to show my talents as best I can.
35mm: The Personal Journey
I don't know what I can say about Final Project that hasn't already been said before in this blog. The only way I can sum it up is as a personal journey into filmmaking. There were no easy outs, no other directors or teachers to assist, but most of all looking past having my peers sit and watch me direct for 4 12-hour days, scrutinizing me and my every move (as only film students can do), as I worked on piecing together something that meant something to me but for which my crew had no active interest in other than for a grade.
It began as just a little thought in the back of my head from the first place I visited when I moved to Florida; Kennedy Space Center. And yet, it morphed into something that I will most likely be remembered for long after my time here has passed.
This experience was a series of trials and in the end, given circumstances that could have acted as serious detractors (we had issues with actors' egos, the 1st AD quit, sound problems, ruined cans of film, etc) that would severely hampered any of the other projects, we overcame it all and finished off what I consider my first true film.
When we wrapped, there were a lot of compliments thrown around, including one from our lead actor Paul Boffano who wrote my 2nd AD and me," I had such a great time and it was such a positive experience. Your graciousness and professionalism throughout the entire shoot was nothing less than amazing. I don't think I'll miss my guess when I say that both of you have very exciting and successful careers ahead of you. I'm so glad I could be apart of your film."
I honestly do not care what my classmates think of me - but when the person who puts their trust in you like our actors do, and they come back to thank you, that's how know you're on the right path and that you are doing something right. Paul was nothing short of amazing on set, and reading his words left me humbled. Because in the end, it's the actor who is on screen and the audience who has to believe their performance. That involves a lot of trust and is also a very difficult thing to accomplish. And in the end, those are the only two opinions that matter to me...and I couldn't be more humbled to know that we had such a positive affect on Paul...and as I later learned, the entire crew as well as the instructors.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
GSJG_CG Footage Stills
So we finally got our CG footage back from the guys over in Computer Animation. Despite our concerns over when they were going to get it to us, they finally came through a delivered to us what they said they would!
Below are some stills from the film so you can see the difference, pretty phenomenal job, eh?! Got to give it to those guys over in CA!
Note: the shot with Green Screen in it was not cropped to 1.85:1 ratio - which is why you can see the dolly track, wires and so forth.
Below are some stills from the film so you can see the difference, pretty phenomenal job, eh?! Got to give it to those guys over in CA!
Note: the shot with Green Screen in it was not cropped to 1.85:1 ratio - which is why you can see the dolly track, wires and so forth.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Prospectus - The Beginning of The End
Today marks the unofficial end of our creative projects at Full Sail and by Thursday we'll be all but wrapped up with essentially everything. I say that with a bit of sadness but also a renewed sense of accomplishment.
As for what happened, we had our last big test, a group prospectus for Producing Class. This project is arguably the closest experience we'll have to the real world while we're here. In a word, intense.
My group created a concept for a Mountain Dew campaign called, "The Dew Fairy," which use the ploy of the tooth fairy (ours was to resemble a Jack Black-type) who delivered the beverage to college-aged guys who lose their teeth in a variety of ways (ranging from a biker bar ordeal, kicked in the face by a horse, etc.). Overall, the concept was pretty fun (a lot funnier than I am presenting it here) but it kept going back to the one problem with soda -- the TEETH. So inevitably we were doomed before we entered the room.
My role for our group was to pitch this concept to a panel in a way that they'd want to invest in us $1-million.
Since I've been at Full Sail, I've essentially been in the driver's seat as far as being a central part of any and all projects I've worked on. After Final Project, I intended to take a back seat and let others do the heavy lifting while I skidded by and focused on post-graduation. Well, apparently there's a perverse part of me that's a glutton for punishment because I ended up being the point man on this project. I wasn't the Producer on this project - but my role was the point man in terms of pitching the project and having a budget ready for our potential investors. Was I ultimately responsible for how the group did? No, because it was a team effort, but I was to be the voice and face as well as numbers for the project we had been working on. So forget taking the break this month and enter another month of 4-hours of rest a night! lol.
Despite my desire to not be a focal point this month, I know that somewhere deep down I would have regretted not jumping out and being at the center of this. I don't know if it's because I have a natural tendency to lead, a desire to be involved or just plain control issues. Whatever it is, I was at the heart of this matter and despite knowing what we were in for - I was surprised and floored by what transpired.
I honestly cannot remember what happened during the pitch, but I know during the course of it I took the panel on a journey that took them to the place I wanted them to be. I only know this because they admitted as much after they hammered us. After I finished the pitch, we spent the following 10-minutes being grilled and skewered in a manner that we hadn't faced yet. I was fine with it because I knew what the purpose of the evolution was so instead of being offended I was trying to take in what they were looking at so I can apply to any future projects I will present in this manner.
After the debacle was over, the panel paused momentarily before addressing us again, this time as instructors. They detailed our faults and the pointed out what our weaknesses were, where we could improve and why they went after us the way they did. It was an invaluable experience, but one thing stood out to me repeatedly. All of them addressed me at one point and complimented me on the presentation I gave during the pitch. Even the instructor notorious for chastising students during these pitches came up to me afterward, shook my hand and suggested that I should initially pitch projects for people (for a price!) when I get to LA. I was taken aback by it all, and I still don't know what to make of it. But hearing that only adds fuel to the fire that this is what I am meant for.
As far as what happens next, it's essentially all downhill now. The hardest is over with and for the next month (singular!!!) it's time to finally get wheels turning so when I get to LA I can hit the ground running and start building this career into something special. It's only a matter of time before the pieces fall into place - but after passing this final (and hardest) test with flying colors I don't know what's going to stop me...except myself.
I know the hardest is still to come - but I also know that I haven't begun to scratch the surface of what I am capable of and what I can accomplish. This test doesn't even register as a bump on this road - but it serves as a marker for how far I've come. And despite the constant reminders of what's happened over the past 2-years I can say that this was the right decision, no matter how different things may have been.
As for what happened, we had our last big test, a group prospectus for Producing Class. This project is arguably the closest experience we'll have to the real world while we're here. In a word, intense.
My group created a concept for a Mountain Dew campaign called, "The Dew Fairy," which use the ploy of the tooth fairy (ours was to resemble a Jack Black-type) who delivered the beverage to college-aged guys who lose their teeth in a variety of ways (ranging from a biker bar ordeal, kicked in the face by a horse, etc.). Overall, the concept was pretty fun (a lot funnier than I am presenting it here) but it kept going back to the one problem with soda -- the TEETH. So inevitably we were doomed before we entered the room.
My role for our group was to pitch this concept to a panel in a way that they'd want to invest in us $1-million.
Since I've been at Full Sail, I've essentially been in the driver's seat as far as being a central part of any and all projects I've worked on. After Final Project, I intended to take a back seat and let others do the heavy lifting while I skidded by and focused on post-graduation. Well, apparently there's a perverse part of me that's a glutton for punishment because I ended up being the point man on this project. I wasn't the Producer on this project - but my role was the point man in terms of pitching the project and having a budget ready for our potential investors. Was I ultimately responsible for how the group did? No, because it was a team effort, but I was to be the voice and face as well as numbers for the project we had been working on. So forget taking the break this month and enter another month of 4-hours of rest a night! lol.
Despite my desire to not be a focal point this month, I know that somewhere deep down I would have regretted not jumping out and being at the center of this. I don't know if it's because I have a natural tendency to lead, a desire to be involved or just plain control issues. Whatever it is, I was at the heart of this matter and despite knowing what we were in for - I was surprised and floored by what transpired.
I honestly cannot remember what happened during the pitch, but I know during the course of it I took the panel on a journey that took them to the place I wanted them to be. I only know this because they admitted as much after they hammered us. After I finished the pitch, we spent the following 10-minutes being grilled and skewered in a manner that we hadn't faced yet. I was fine with it because I knew what the purpose of the evolution was so instead of being offended I was trying to take in what they were looking at so I can apply to any future projects I will present in this manner.
After the debacle was over, the panel paused momentarily before addressing us again, this time as instructors. They detailed our faults and the pointed out what our weaknesses were, where we could improve and why they went after us the way they did. It was an invaluable experience, but one thing stood out to me repeatedly. All of them addressed me at one point and complimented me on the presentation I gave during the pitch. Even the instructor notorious for chastising students during these pitches came up to me afterward, shook my hand and suggested that I should initially pitch projects for people (for a price!) when I get to LA. I was taken aback by it all, and I still don't know what to make of it. But hearing that only adds fuel to the fire that this is what I am meant for.
As far as what happens next, it's essentially all downhill now. The hardest is over with and for the next month (singular!!!) it's time to finally get wheels turning so when I get to LA I can hit the ground running and start building this career into something special. It's only a matter of time before the pieces fall into place - but after passing this final (and hardest) test with flying colors I don't know what's going to stop me...except myself.
I know the hardest is still to come - but I also know that I haven't begun to scratch the surface of what I am capable of and what I can accomplish. This test doesn't even register as a bump on this road - but it serves as a marker for how far I've come. And despite the constant reminders of what's happened over the past 2-years I can say that this was the right decision, no matter how different things may have been.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Demo Reel v.1.0
A short story:
So I finally have a rough edit for my demo reel - which I like but I know still has a lot of holes in it - and then I go to upload it only to find that YouTube has BANNED my AUDIO!!! Freakin' A...I know why they did it, but it takes away so much from the presentation.
Anyway since it's the rough edit of this I figured I would post it anyway. Take a look and enjoy:
So I finally have a rough edit for my demo reel - which I like but I know still has a lot of holes in it - and then I go to upload it only to find that YouTube has BANNED my AUDIO!!! Freakin' A...I know why they did it, but it takes away so much from the presentation.
Anyway since it's the rough edit of this I figured I would post it anyway. Take a look and enjoy:
Friday, July 17, 2009
GSJG_Post
So this has definitely been long overdue. I've been meaning to give updates regarding God Speed, John Glenn, but when ever I sit down to write I feel so confident about the film that I tend to talk about the unknowns or the next phase of my life instead.
As of right now, we're roughly half-way through the editing process for our film. I have heard a wide range of differing opinions regarding the film from, 'it doesn't cut well together', 'it looks like crap', 'OMG it's amazing', to 'this is going to come out really well!' As far as I am concerned, I love the film except for one scene that I ruined. I know I did, and I still have nightmares about it because I wanted to go in tight on the actors but failed to compensate for distance. I won't mention what scene, because I'll see if you can spot it when I can finally post the film on here.
Film students are a tricky group. We tend to be overly insecure and yet, we also are the most judgmental group of people on the planet (I mean, who else would rip apart all-time greats like, Chinatown, 2001, Jaws as so forth). And it's funny to think about it, because who are we to judge? I know I could have done better on God Speed, John Glenn, hell everyone could have. But that's why we are here. Mistakes are acceptable. Failure is okay. But only under the condition that you learn from them.
And when I look back on it all, I wouldn't trade my most glaring mistake for our best shots. I would rather have not shot our most distinguishing shots and keep the mistakes; even if only because it keeps me humble. I know I have some talent, and I know the 'wow' shots will come. But if I don't error, then how am I to grow? And because of that, I take this one scene in particular and I break it apart. I judge myself on it and I let people rip me apart, and I know that if I run into a similar situation again I will not repeat those mistakes - and make up for my past errors by doing it right.
And with that in sight, I do not look at the criticism I have received as a negative. Everyone here has a voice and most are more than willing to express it. I don't mind if people think I'm the biggest idiot at this school because it will only push me harder to succeed. And if it's me against the world, then so be it. But I won't quit, I will just take it one step at a time, one problem at a time and eventually I will reach the top and I will arrive.
I realize I have spent a good portion so far talking about the negative side the film. This isn't to say it's a bad film. Contrary, I have received a lot of great responses from the majority of our class and especially from our instructors. I intended to shoot this film differently than what I think Full Sail has seen in that past. We didn't have an overwhelming budget, and the set was rather bland (we didn't have a lot of set dressing or things on the walls) so I went in tight on the actors. We had a limited time-budget too, so we didn't have nearly as moving shots as I wanted or the use of the jib because of those time constraints. An example of some of the things we did, and forgive me if this doesn't make any sense, was we shot our talent from about 4-feet away with a 135mm lens and I gave the camera a kinetic movement by playing with the panhandle (I think our camera operators thought I was out of my head within the first few hours we started to shoot, haha). How this translates (and this is not taking into account the Matte Box) is stand in front of a mirror about 4-feet away. now walk to about a foot-and-a-half from the mirror and crop yourself from the tops of your eyebrows to just above the bottom of your chin. Add in a console, headset, shirt and tie and you essentially have 3-minutes of our movie. That's freakin' tight - and despite some people not initially being receptive my initial choice of lens selection, it's those types of shots that people keep raving about!
In the end, I can say that this project has been extremely successful. Despite some difficulties (we easily had more issues to deal with than the other groups) things came out better than I would have expected. Now does this mean the movie is how I visualized it? The answer is No. But like director David Fincher says, "99-percent of filmmaking is compromise," and now I can completely understand what he means. In the end, this project turned out extremely well and while it's not going to win any awards or be recognized for breaking any barriers, what it represents to me is something so much more.
From some outstanding acting (most notably our lead talent) to our set design (yeah is bare, but we completed it) to implementing CG (it's a lot harder than I ever thought) and so forth. This film truly represents my senior thesis. Can I do better, Yes. Easily. But after this experience and having the privilege to work with some outstanding people, I can honestly say that I am a better filmmaker and a better person for it. This is a difficult profession, but I know what it takes and I know I have it in me to succeed. Now it's just translating that into reality.
And as you'll be able to judge for yourself in about another month, you can see what we accomplished. Is it another student film? Yes, but at the same time I think there are some things that will surprise a lot of people and probably some things that will make you cringe. But as stated before, it's okay to fail. At least for now. And with that in mind, I know that despite a lot of mixed feelings about this project that in 5, 10, 15-years, the people who constituted the whole of this movie will be able to look back on it and be proud of what we accomplished, despite their current feelings toward it.
As of right now, we're roughly half-way through the editing process for our film. I have heard a wide range of differing opinions regarding the film from, 'it doesn't cut well together', 'it looks like crap', 'OMG it's amazing', to 'this is going to come out really well!' As far as I am concerned, I love the film except for one scene that I ruined. I know I did, and I still have nightmares about it because I wanted to go in tight on the actors but failed to compensate for distance. I won't mention what scene, because I'll see if you can spot it when I can finally post the film on here.
Film students are a tricky group. We tend to be overly insecure and yet, we also are the most judgmental group of people on the planet (I mean, who else would rip apart all-time greats like, Chinatown, 2001, Jaws as so forth). And it's funny to think about it, because who are we to judge? I know I could have done better on God Speed, John Glenn, hell everyone could have. But that's why we are here. Mistakes are acceptable. Failure is okay. But only under the condition that you learn from them.
And when I look back on it all, I wouldn't trade my most glaring mistake for our best shots. I would rather have not shot our most distinguishing shots and keep the mistakes; even if only because it keeps me humble. I know I have some talent, and I know the 'wow' shots will come. But if I don't error, then how am I to grow? And because of that, I take this one scene in particular and I break it apart. I judge myself on it and I let people rip me apart, and I know that if I run into a similar situation again I will not repeat those mistakes - and make up for my past errors by doing it right.
And with that in sight, I do not look at the criticism I have received as a negative. Everyone here has a voice and most are more than willing to express it. I don't mind if people think I'm the biggest idiot at this school because it will only push me harder to succeed. And if it's me against the world, then so be it. But I won't quit, I will just take it one step at a time, one problem at a time and eventually I will reach the top and I will arrive.
I realize I have spent a good portion so far talking about the negative side the film. This isn't to say it's a bad film. Contrary, I have received a lot of great responses from the majority of our class and especially from our instructors. I intended to shoot this film differently than what I think Full Sail has seen in that past. We didn't have an overwhelming budget, and the set was rather bland (we didn't have a lot of set dressing or things on the walls) so I went in tight on the actors. We had a limited time-budget too, so we didn't have nearly as moving shots as I wanted or the use of the jib because of those time constraints. An example of some of the things we did, and forgive me if this doesn't make any sense, was we shot our talent from about 4-feet away with a 135mm lens and I gave the camera a kinetic movement by playing with the panhandle (I think our camera operators thought I was out of my head within the first few hours we started to shoot, haha). How this translates (and this is not taking into account the Matte Box) is stand in front of a mirror about 4-feet away. now walk to about a foot-and-a-half from the mirror and crop yourself from the tops of your eyebrows to just above the bottom of your chin. Add in a console, headset, shirt and tie and you essentially have 3-minutes of our movie. That's freakin' tight - and despite some people not initially being receptive my initial choice of lens selection, it's those types of shots that people keep raving about!
In the end, I can say that this project has been extremely successful. Despite some difficulties (we easily had more issues to deal with than the other groups) things came out better than I would have expected. Now does this mean the movie is how I visualized it? The answer is No. But like director David Fincher says, "99-percent of filmmaking is compromise," and now I can completely understand what he means. In the end, this project turned out extremely well and while it's not going to win any awards or be recognized for breaking any barriers, what it represents to me is something so much more.
From some outstanding acting (most notably our lead talent) to our set design (yeah is bare, but we completed it) to implementing CG (it's a lot harder than I ever thought) and so forth. This film truly represents my senior thesis. Can I do better, Yes. Easily. But after this experience and having the privilege to work with some outstanding people, I can honestly say that I am a better filmmaker and a better person for it. This is a difficult profession, but I know what it takes and I know I have it in me to succeed. Now it's just translating that into reality.
And as you'll be able to judge for yourself in about another month, you can see what we accomplished. Is it another student film? Yes, but at the same time I think there are some things that will surprise a lot of people and probably some things that will make you cringe. But as stated before, it's okay to fail. At least for now. And with that in mind, I know that despite a lot of mixed feelings about this project that in 5, 10, 15-years, the people who constituted the whole of this movie will be able to look back on it and be proud of what we accomplished, despite their current feelings toward it.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Producing.
For what seems like the sixth-consecutive lecture in a row today, our producing instructors talked about our future. Obviously, things are coming up fast (for some a lot faster than they ever thought), and despite the daunting reality that we are about to enter into the cutthroat world of Entertainment I am getting more and more excited about the possibilities that await. It's funny though, because I"m one of the few who realistically knows what's ahead, and I understand what the coming months and/or years are going to look like.
For example:
(a) a steady diet of cereal, ramen, toast and whatever food I can scrounge by when I'm not being fed on set
(b) the 14-hour days (I just got done with a 12-hour day myself, but what's great is that I'm truly loving them)
(c) the endless networking (something I'm definitely looking forward to)
(d) the harsh reality that I am going to be ripped apart more times than I think I realize
(e) the knowledge that I am going to spend a lot of time unemployed (I will have to fight, kick and steal for my jobs. all of them)
Despite this, I couldn't be more excited. I know without a doubt there is no one who will work harder, sacrifice more or be more passionate about their job than me. I love film, and when I say that it could be misconstrued as arguably the greatest understatement of the decade. This is who I am, this is what I am and this is all I want.
I came to Florida taking an enormous gamble. Shoot, everyone here has. I've taken out loans upon loans and I know that it will take me years to pay them off. But, when I look back at what those loans represent, it is so much greater than the struggle it will take to pay them off. They represent the biggest risk, the most ambitious endeavor and the greatest gamble that I have ever taken - and for what? for something that I know without a doubt I love.
The biggest thing that holds film students like myself back from being successful is fear. A friend of mine looked me in the eyes a few months ago and couldn't believe it when I wasn't scared to death about going into a situation where I knew I would be judged, looked at and put under the microscope for the following day and a half. The truth is, the fear was there and it definitely was real. I just chose to ignore it because I know who I am, and I am comfortable with me. I am not going to wow anyone with my ability to speak, but what I know is that I am someone who is open and willing to take a chance by being myself; and fear will not hold me back from meeting new people or from having a good time.
The same applies in this business. When I met T.J. O'Malley for our 35mm project, he told me about his first day working on Project Mercury. He wasn't even at his new post more than 30-minutes before the head of Flight Operations (the man who ran NASA) found him and ripped him apart for screwing up. T.J. learned immediately that his business and his profession there was absolutely no margin for error, and that encounter stayed with him his entire life.
Although the risks are different in cinema, the same rules apply - and from T.J.'s lesson I can learn for myself. It's not the mistakes that we should be afraid of making, but making the same mistake twice. And if you let the thought of making a mistake hold you back, then this is wrong profession for you. It's inevitable, we are human after all, and mistakes are bound to happen. Just don't let the fear of making them hold you back from fulfilling your potential. Film is an industry chalk full of mistakes (just look at the current list of movies being made today), yet we learn from them and we accept the fact that we did screw up. It's okay to mess up - just don't make that mistake again.
But more so, the fear of making the change to the real world is often times more daunting for people than they realize. I'm honestly scared sh!tless about what's going to come next. But I find comfort in knowing that, and I know that my drive, my passion, my ambition and my willingness to take risks are what will set me apart. I haven't come this far to fail and while success is something that would be nice, I'm not expecting any miracles. Those are earned, and I haven't done a thing yet.
It's time to start working, and it's time to make a difference.
For example:
(a) a steady diet of cereal, ramen, toast and whatever food I can scrounge by when I'm not being fed on set
(b) the 14-hour days (I just got done with a 12-hour day myself, but what's great is that I'm truly loving them)
(c) the endless networking (something I'm definitely looking forward to)
(d) the harsh reality that I am going to be ripped apart more times than I think I realize
(e) the knowledge that I am going to spend a lot of time unemployed (I will have to fight, kick and steal for my jobs. all of them)
Despite this, I couldn't be more excited. I know without a doubt there is no one who will work harder, sacrifice more or be more passionate about their job than me. I love film, and when I say that it could be misconstrued as arguably the greatest understatement of the decade. This is who I am, this is what I am and this is all I want.
I came to Florida taking an enormous gamble. Shoot, everyone here has. I've taken out loans upon loans and I know that it will take me years to pay them off. But, when I look back at what those loans represent, it is so much greater than the struggle it will take to pay them off. They represent the biggest risk, the most ambitious endeavor and the greatest gamble that I have ever taken - and for what? for something that I know without a doubt I love.
The biggest thing that holds film students like myself back from being successful is fear. A friend of mine looked me in the eyes a few months ago and couldn't believe it when I wasn't scared to death about going into a situation where I knew I would be judged, looked at and put under the microscope for the following day and a half. The truth is, the fear was there and it definitely was real. I just chose to ignore it because I know who I am, and I am comfortable with me. I am not going to wow anyone with my ability to speak, but what I know is that I am someone who is open and willing to take a chance by being myself; and fear will not hold me back from meeting new people or from having a good time.
The same applies in this business. When I met T.J. O'Malley for our 35mm project, he told me about his first day working on Project Mercury. He wasn't even at his new post more than 30-minutes before the head of Flight Operations (the man who ran NASA) found him and ripped him apart for screwing up. T.J. learned immediately that his business and his profession there was absolutely no margin for error, and that encounter stayed with him his entire life.
Although the risks are different in cinema, the same rules apply - and from T.J.'s lesson I can learn for myself. It's not the mistakes that we should be afraid of making, but making the same mistake twice. And if you let the thought of making a mistake hold you back, then this is wrong profession for you. It's inevitable, we are human after all, and mistakes are bound to happen. Just don't let the fear of making them hold you back from fulfilling your potential. Film is an industry chalk full of mistakes (just look at the current list of movies being made today), yet we learn from them and we accept the fact that we did screw up. It's okay to mess up - just don't make that mistake again.
But more so, the fear of making the change to the real world is often times more daunting for people than they realize. I'm honestly scared sh!tless about what's going to come next. But I find comfort in knowing that, and I know that my drive, my passion, my ambition and my willingness to take risks are what will set me apart. I haven't come this far to fail and while success is something that would be nice, I'm not expecting any miracles. Those are earned, and I haven't done a thing yet.
It's time to start working, and it's time to make a difference.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Phase I. The Beginning.
This month marks the beginning of the end of my time in Florida. As such there's only a few weeks left until I finally graduate and move on to bigger and (hopefully) better things. Right now there are a lot of things outside of school that I am working on, and in order to be able to have the full scope of my objectives in place it will consume nearly every minute of every day until Sept 4.
But I figured I would give an update as to what I have been away on. As of right now; I'm stitching together a demo reel for my portfolio, I'm working on organizing my entire projects, I'm working on getting my business cards finalized (they look AWESOME), I'm continuing to go through my database entries for potential employers (nearly an hourly thing I have to keep updating), I'm looking for housing (thank god the roommate situation is sorted). Yet, the biggest challenge and most exciting thing I'm working on and putting together is my own website.
As of right now, I have designs for how I want it to look and the website to function. Everyone tells me it is extremely ambitious, but then again if it weren't ambitious then it wouldn't be me, haha. I'm hoping to have a beta version of the site up in September when I leave, and I'm giving myself an initial completion date of sometime around late-October.
Right now my biggest concern is getting my name out there, being as versatile as possible, making an impression and presenting myself in a manner in which I am as marketable as possible. That's no easy task when you have to compete against millions of other people vying for the same scrappy jobs. This is only the beginning and things are going to get worse before they begin to get better. But everything I am doing is only going to aide me as I begin this new chapter in my life.
However, I know that if I apply myself and work as hard as I know I am capable of then only good things will follow. I have found that I love this profession more than any other; it's where I belong. I am going to push myself as hard as I can to get to where I want to be, and it all starts with myself. And as these final months slowly dwindle away the focus is on two things: school and my future, although the emphasis is shifting more toward post-graduation now.
And just for kicks, I'm attaching an epic track from the original Transformers film of a couple summers past.
But I figured I would give an update as to what I have been away on. As of right now; I'm stitching together a demo reel for my portfolio, I'm working on organizing my entire projects, I'm working on getting my business cards finalized (they look AWESOME), I'm continuing to go through my database entries for potential employers (nearly an hourly thing I have to keep updating), I'm looking for housing (thank god the roommate situation is sorted). Yet, the biggest challenge and most exciting thing I'm working on and putting together is my own website.
As of right now, I have designs for how I want it to look and the website to function. Everyone tells me it is extremely ambitious, but then again if it weren't ambitious then it wouldn't be me, haha. I'm hoping to have a beta version of the site up in September when I leave, and I'm giving myself an initial completion date of sometime around late-October.
Right now my biggest concern is getting my name out there, being as versatile as possible, making an impression and presenting myself in a manner in which I am as marketable as possible. That's no easy task when you have to compete against millions of other people vying for the same scrappy jobs. This is only the beginning and things are going to get worse before they begin to get better. But everything I am doing is only going to aide me as I begin this new chapter in my life.
However, I know that if I apply myself and work as hard as I know I am capable of then only good things will follow. I have found that I love this profession more than any other; it's where I belong. I am going to push myself as hard as I can to get to where I want to be, and it all starts with myself. And as these final months slowly dwindle away the focus is on two things: school and my future, although the emphasis is shifting more toward post-graduation now.
And just for kicks, I'm attaching an epic track from the original Transformers film of a couple summers past.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Transcendent Melodies.
Do you ever think back on certain parts of your lives and the entirety of that whole can be summed up by one song?
Yesterday, I had the melody for a song that's been in the back of my head for what seems like years stuck on repeat, and so I took the proceeding 45-minutes googling and iTuning, just searching. Finally I stumbled upon this song and immediately I was transfixed back to a period of my life when everything seemed completely peaceful.
The song was, Never My Love by The Association. If you haven't heard this song I'm telling you now to go to iTunes, Google, a downloading torrent of whatever sorts. Just GO. Listen to it, download it, do whatever you have to. It's an amazing song whose brilliance lies in the harmonic nature of the group and seamlessly effortless flow of the melody.
If there was ever a song to fall in love with, this is it.
Yesterday, I had the melody for a song that's been in the back of my head for what seems like years stuck on repeat, and so I took the proceeding 45-minutes googling and iTuning, just searching. Finally I stumbled upon this song and immediately I was transfixed back to a period of my life when everything seemed completely peaceful.
The song was, Never My Love by The Association. If you haven't heard this song I'm telling you now to go to iTunes, Google, a downloading torrent of whatever sorts. Just GO. Listen to it, download it, do whatever you have to. It's an amazing song whose brilliance lies in the harmonic nature of the group and seamlessly effortless flow of the melody.
If there was ever a song to fall in love with, this is it.
Monday, July 6, 2009
The List. Looking Ahead.
When I moved to Florida I initially created a list of goals that would determine what I defined as 'success' in my time at Full Sail. With the completion of our final project last month, I realized that I had accomplished all of those goals. As a result, it was time to update this list with a new look. It includes a list of goals for the next 6-months, 1-year and (my favorite) 5-years, and includes a format that can be changed for an optional outlook.
For instance, what is success determined by? For all of us it is something entirely different. For some it would be characterized by going to any restaurant in the world and not having to care what the price is. For others, it's being able to decided to begin production on any movie or idea that pleases them...if only because they want to make it.
For myself, I have thought about it a lot. But I think my overall definition of success is: having the ability to drop everything at a moments notice and fly to the other side of the world for no good reason. Now this might sound ludicrous, but look at it a little deeper. I am have no ties to a relationship or other commitment, I don't have a family of my own and I don't have any commitment to work strictly within the US boarders. So what this means to me is (a) I can fly from the other side of the world to visit my parents and/or sister's family at a moment's notice (b) if I can travel that freely and nonchalantly, then I surely would have enough money to pay off all of my loans and (c) if I'm invited to be working on the other side of the world then surely I must be doing something right in this industry.
However, keep in mind though this definition is subject to change as my life and career continue to evolve and change. But for now, this is what I will set my bar for success at.
Now if any of this has sparked your interest, how would you characterize your idea of 'success'?
For instance, what is success determined by? For all of us it is something entirely different. For some it would be characterized by going to any restaurant in the world and not having to care what the price is. For others, it's being able to decided to begin production on any movie or idea that pleases them...if only because they want to make it.
For myself, I have thought about it a lot. But I think my overall definition of success is: having the ability to drop everything at a moments notice and fly to the other side of the world for no good reason. Now this might sound ludicrous, but look at it a little deeper. I am have no ties to a relationship or other commitment, I don't have a family of my own and I don't have any commitment to work strictly within the US boarders. So what this means to me is (a) I can fly from the other side of the world to visit my parents and/or sister's family at a moment's notice (b) if I can travel that freely and nonchalantly, then I surely would have enough money to pay off all of my loans and (c) if I'm invited to be working on the other side of the world then surely I must be doing something right in this industry.
However, keep in mind though this definition is subject to change as my life and career continue to evolve and change. But for now, this is what I will set my bar for success at.
Now if any of this has sparked your interest, how would you characterize your idea of 'success'?
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Hawaii. 09.
I almost forgot to mention too. I'm in Hawaii with the family for vacation! It's been so long since I truly went on a vacation, and even though I'm on here for a few days it's truly worth it to come to this garden paradise. Here are a few pics. More to come later.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
John Glenn.
Despite my recent issues regarding graduation, post-graduation and a reflectance on everything lately, I have completely different news of something that blows me away. Again. Whether or not if I'm lucky, really that good or in the right place at the right time, it appears that my dream of telling John Glenn's story has now reached another level. I thought everything had climaxed with the completion of the film and the reviews I received from my classmates as well as my teachers, but now comes the most incredible news yet.
During the course of creating this story I have been given the privilege of meeting, talking to and working with some of the most awe inspiring people of the 20th Century. I've been given access to places that nobody else is normally given access to, and have had the archival vaults opened to assist us in this project. But now comes the news that John Glenn himself has now heard of our project and has given us his approval for telling this story...
I honestly do not know how to react to this news. I'm so blown away by this news that I cannot begin to describe what it means to me. I don't know if I possess the talent to move people, entertain them they way I envision or create a decent product. But this is something that is on a totally different level. Starting with David Oliver and continuing until now, I'm finding that my ambition and drive for stories keeps bringing my dreams to greater and greater heights. And although I do not get starstruck very easily, it completely renders me speechless when the projects I work on continue to introduce me to and connect me with the people they do.
For example, John Glenn. This is the first American to orbit the Earth. A man whose mission was so vitally important to our country and sense of national patriotism, that everyone across the nation literally stopped working for the duration of his mission because of its importance. This isn't just your average astronaut or Senator for that matter. This is an American icon, someone whose prominence in American history rivals that of JFK, Coca-Cola and Chevrolet. How does it get bigger than this (or better for that matter)? In theory, I am just another filmmaker, a student filmmaker. And yet, because of the scope of this project, my passion for this story and having the right connections we are not just telling this story. It is now being brought to life with the truth and knowledge that the man whose name accompanies the title has given us his blessing.
It doesn't get better than this.
During the course of creating this story I have been given the privilege of meeting, talking to and working with some of the most awe inspiring people of the 20th Century. I've been given access to places that nobody else is normally given access to, and have had the archival vaults opened to assist us in this project. But now comes the news that John Glenn himself has now heard of our project and has given us his approval for telling this story...
I honestly do not know how to react to this news. I'm so blown away by this news that I cannot begin to describe what it means to me. I don't know if I possess the talent to move people, entertain them they way I envision or create a decent product. But this is something that is on a totally different level. Starting with David Oliver and continuing until now, I'm finding that my ambition and drive for stories keeps bringing my dreams to greater and greater heights. And although I do not get starstruck very easily, it completely renders me speechless when the projects I work on continue to introduce me to and connect me with the people they do.
For example, John Glenn. This is the first American to orbit the Earth. A man whose mission was so vitally important to our country and sense of national patriotism, that everyone across the nation literally stopped working for the duration of his mission because of its importance. This isn't just your average astronaut or Senator for that matter. This is an American icon, someone whose prominence in American history rivals that of JFK, Coca-Cola and Chevrolet. How does it get bigger than this (or better for that matter)? In theory, I am just another filmmaker, a student filmmaker. And yet, because of the scope of this project, my passion for this story and having the right connections we are not just telling this story. It is now being brought to life with the truth and knowledge that the man whose name accompanies the title has given us his blessing.
It doesn't get better than this.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
The Mechanic. My Conscience.
Over the past week or so I've been getting a lot of work done on the Jeep. Unfortunately it's costing a little more than I originally anticipated, but more so it's also proving to be one of the best things that's happened to me in sometime. The reason I say this is because my mechanic, Alfredo, is also one of the best people I've met since I've been in Florida.
Alfredo is a simple man from Puerto Rico who started out in the USAF working as a mechanic on fighter jets before moving to Central Florida and finding work at car dealerships. However, it wasn't long after working at Ford and Lexus before he opened his own shop, mainly because he couldn't stand lying to customers and the politics involved. I know this might seem like an ample time to say, 'yeah right, but that's what all mechanics want you to thing,' until you take into account that Alfredo is also an ordained minister. He is a highly religious man and someone who takes pride in his work and satisfaction in his client relationships...which leads me to this entry.
It wasn't until today when I actually had time to talk with Alfredo personally, one-on-one. So far most of the work that's been done at the shop has been by his employee, Joswe, who has shown me first hand everything that he's been doing under the car. It's been a fascinating experience learning and understand how my car works and seeing first hand what he's talking about fixing and letting me watch from beside him as he goes about fixing the Jeep.
Anyway, back to Alfredo. Today, I brought the car back in because I was hearing something out of the ordinary from the rear differential. Since the oil got changed in it recently, I wanted to make sure that everything with it was okay. And since they weren't able to get around to me until later in the day, they couldn't open up the casing and verify for themselves. However when I was trying to explain the problem to Alfredo (while driving so he could hear) we got into talking. I guess it was more so because he is a minister and lately a lot of things have been on my mind. What ultimately started out as a bug hunt on the Jeep turned into a delve into my personal psyche that Alfredo took as an opportunity to help me understand the things that are happening in my life. And like a minister he listened to me and offered the advice that I have desperately needed to hear for sometime now.
As it turns out, I realized by my own accord that I have been so clouded by issues surrounding myself for over two-years that I failed to realize what a fool I have been and the failure to recognize my own undoing. More or less, I lost sight of what's important and compromised myself, my past failed relationships and those closest to me because I was more concerned with my perceived social status (ie relationships, future career goals et al) than understanding what the importance and fragility that those things mean and represent. More or less, I took everything (myself included) for granted, lost sight of the meaning of those things and said things that I failed to recognize despite the weight of their true meaning.
Unfortunately I now look back at myself in disgrace, disgusted. Who am I? I know what I want and where I want to be - but finding who I am is something entirely different. It's pathetic when I look at those words, because I know who I want to be, but I am not him yet. And seeing that and how I went about trying to become him is ridiculous and most of all, small. This isn't to say that Alfredo wasn't any help, contrary to that he opened my eyes and allowed me to finally see the side of me that is a trainwreck. But he also allowed me to see the error of my ways and help set me on a path to fix myself and heal from my mistakes. Mistakes that I will not make again.
I know I have hurt a few people recently and over the past couple of years. Some more than others. I know that I've said inappropriate things to people and said things that I didn't mean because I didn't comprehend the depth of those words' meaning. What I am saying is that I know what a pathetic mess I have become, but more so I now finally recognize it. I cannot say that I can change overnight, but what I can say is to those who I have hurt, to those who I have wronged. I'm sorry.
I know I have a long ways to go personally. But knowing the problem and looking at my mistakes, I know that I can change. Most of all, I know that I can become a better person. Not just for those who are in my life, but for those who are no longer a part of this journey. I owe it to myself, to everyone. I can say with certainty that I will make mistakes down the line, but I know where I can improve. I'm sorry it's taken me this long to realize it. I just hope that I can make all of you proud.
Alfredo is a simple man from Puerto Rico who started out in the USAF working as a mechanic on fighter jets before moving to Central Florida and finding work at car dealerships. However, it wasn't long after working at Ford and Lexus before he opened his own shop, mainly because he couldn't stand lying to customers and the politics involved. I know this might seem like an ample time to say, 'yeah right, but that's what all mechanics want you to thing,' until you take into account that Alfredo is also an ordained minister. He is a highly religious man and someone who takes pride in his work and satisfaction in his client relationships...which leads me to this entry.
It wasn't until today when I actually had time to talk with Alfredo personally, one-on-one. So far most of the work that's been done at the shop has been by his employee, Joswe, who has shown me first hand everything that he's been doing under the car. It's been a fascinating experience learning and understand how my car works and seeing first hand what he's talking about fixing and letting me watch from beside him as he goes about fixing the Jeep.
Anyway, back to Alfredo. Today, I brought the car back in because I was hearing something out of the ordinary from the rear differential. Since the oil got changed in it recently, I wanted to make sure that everything with it was okay. And since they weren't able to get around to me until later in the day, they couldn't open up the casing and verify for themselves. However when I was trying to explain the problem to Alfredo (while driving so he could hear) we got into talking. I guess it was more so because he is a minister and lately a lot of things have been on my mind. What ultimately started out as a bug hunt on the Jeep turned into a delve into my personal psyche that Alfredo took as an opportunity to help me understand the things that are happening in my life. And like a minister he listened to me and offered the advice that I have desperately needed to hear for sometime now.
As it turns out, I realized by my own accord that I have been so clouded by issues surrounding myself for over two-years that I failed to realize what a fool I have been and the failure to recognize my own undoing. More or less, I lost sight of what's important and compromised myself, my past failed relationships and those closest to me because I was more concerned with my perceived social status (ie relationships, future career goals et al) than understanding what the importance and fragility that those things mean and represent. More or less, I took everything (myself included) for granted, lost sight of the meaning of those things and said things that I failed to recognize despite the weight of their true meaning.
Unfortunately I now look back at myself in disgrace, disgusted. Who am I? I know what I want and where I want to be - but finding who I am is something entirely different. It's pathetic when I look at those words, because I know who I want to be, but I am not him yet. And seeing that and how I went about trying to become him is ridiculous and most of all, small. This isn't to say that Alfredo wasn't any help, contrary to that he opened my eyes and allowed me to finally see the side of me that is a trainwreck. But he also allowed me to see the error of my ways and help set me on a path to fix myself and heal from my mistakes. Mistakes that I will not make again.
I know I have hurt a few people recently and over the past couple of years. Some more than others. I know that I've said inappropriate things to people and said things that I didn't mean because I didn't comprehend the depth of those words' meaning. What I am saying is that I know what a pathetic mess I have become, but more so I now finally recognize it. I cannot say that I can change overnight, but what I can say is to those who I have hurt, to those who I have wronged. I'm sorry.
I know I have a long ways to go personally. But knowing the problem and looking at my mistakes, I know that I can change. Most of all, I know that I can become a better person. Not just for those who are in my life, but for those who are no longer a part of this journey. I owe it to myself, to everyone. I can say with certainty that I will make mistakes down the line, but I know where I can improve. I'm sorry it's taken me this long to realize it. I just hope that I can make all of you proud.
Friday, June 12, 2009
GSJG_Retrospect
We wrapped our production on Tuesday evening. We did so by using less than our full allotment of film (something rarely seen) and we did so with time to spare (even rarer). I retrospect don't know what to make of everything, because looking back on it all it was an amazing experience. Something I aimed for since I arrived and, in my opinion, excelled at.
Yet, looking back on this experience I know I am no different than I was a week ago. I have more on-set experience, and I also learned how to work with different actors, problems (there were more than a few serious ones) and control an entire production from start to finish. This movie is a reflection of me and I gave it my best shot. Looking at it, I know there are things we could have done differently, but in the end, this is a learning experience and something that I think will be remembered by more than a few people...instructors included.
Over the course of the production I heard more than a few of my peers gush over how I shot this movie, worked with actors and communicated with everyone on set. In the end, that's the only thing that truly matters to me. Because if I'm doing my job, then that means I am doing my job. Hopefully the final product will reflect this, but after seeing the dailies I feel confident in saying we have enough to edit together a decent story.
On a different note, since we wrapped the production I've been able to decompress and reflect on what coming to Florida has meant since this is essentially the end of school. I gave up more than I ever thought I would. I sacrificed my family (being able to see my parents and my sister's family, especially watching the girls grow up), I sacrificed my closest friends and love. I have talked with my closest friends and they know that doing this was the right thing, but looking back on it all I wonder what would have happened if I never left Arizona. That's one question that will never be answered, but what I do know is that I left Arizona only to lose everything to find myself and become who I am meant to be.
One of the most sobering things I read the other day didn't come from a note or a blog or even from something I saw on facebook. It came from my list of goals that I tapped to the back of my door the first night I arrived in Orlando. On it were a general list of things that I wanted to accomplish in my time here. The one that stood out to me is the one that I feel best reflects my time here in Florida; be the best. I didn't come here to fail. And despite having every reason to crumble and fall apart I have overcome every obstacle in my path. Sometimes things seemed so ridiculous that it felt almost unfair, but when looking back at what I accomplished despite that, I know I can honestly say that I put forth the effort to give myself the benefit of the doubt. Heck, the two sets I worked on in 16mm and 35mm were featured on the school's website for best sets Full Sail has produced. Ever.
In retrospect, things have been a little hard the past few days. My list of goals are complete and my days in Florida are numbered. It's hard to look back and remember the night before I left Arizona. When just a couple of us ate our hearts out Famous Dave's before finishing a Lifehouse acoustical special on VH1; crying. Even that first night of driving, I couldn't go a few minutes without getting teary-eyed as I drove into the darkened night across the desert. I never would have thought this journey would have been so hard.
Yet, all I can do is be thankful for those experiences this journey has given me and as I prepare to take the next step in this profession and use those hardships to fuel my drive to become the best. One day I will achieve that goal, but for now I have to make due with accepting the sacrifices I've made and be content in believing that I made the right decision.
Yet, looking back on this experience I know I am no different than I was a week ago. I have more on-set experience, and I also learned how to work with different actors, problems (there were more than a few serious ones) and control an entire production from start to finish. This movie is a reflection of me and I gave it my best shot. Looking at it, I know there are things we could have done differently, but in the end, this is a learning experience and something that I think will be remembered by more than a few people...instructors included.
Over the course of the production I heard more than a few of my peers gush over how I shot this movie, worked with actors and communicated with everyone on set. In the end, that's the only thing that truly matters to me. Because if I'm doing my job, then that means I am doing my job. Hopefully the final product will reflect this, but after seeing the dailies I feel confident in saying we have enough to edit together a decent story.
On a different note, since we wrapped the production I've been able to decompress and reflect on what coming to Florida has meant since this is essentially the end of school. I gave up more than I ever thought I would. I sacrificed my family (being able to see my parents and my sister's family, especially watching the girls grow up), I sacrificed my closest friends and love. I have talked with my closest friends and they know that doing this was the right thing, but looking back on it all I wonder what would have happened if I never left Arizona. That's one question that will never be answered, but what I do know is that I left Arizona only to lose everything to find myself and become who I am meant to be.
One of the most sobering things I read the other day didn't come from a note or a blog or even from something I saw on facebook. It came from my list of goals that I tapped to the back of my door the first night I arrived in Orlando. On it were a general list of things that I wanted to accomplish in my time here. The one that stood out to me is the one that I feel best reflects my time here in Florida; be the best. I didn't come here to fail. And despite having every reason to crumble and fall apart I have overcome every obstacle in my path. Sometimes things seemed so ridiculous that it felt almost unfair, but when looking back at what I accomplished despite that, I know I can honestly say that I put forth the effort to give myself the benefit of the doubt. Heck, the two sets I worked on in 16mm and 35mm were featured on the school's website for best sets Full Sail has produced. Ever.
In retrospect, things have been a little hard the past few days. My list of goals are complete and my days in Florida are numbered. It's hard to look back and remember the night before I left Arizona. When just a couple of us ate our hearts out Famous Dave's before finishing a Lifehouse acoustical special on VH1; crying. Even that first night of driving, I couldn't go a few minutes without getting teary-eyed as I drove into the darkened night across the desert. I never would have thought this journey would have been so hard.
Yet, all I can do is be thankful for those experiences this journey has given me and as I prepare to take the next step in this profession and use those hardships to fuel my drive to become the best. One day I will achieve that goal, but for now I have to make due with accepting the sacrifices I've made and be content in believing that I made the right decision.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
GSJG_Day 2
In the past two days, we've shot around 54 shots out of around 84. We're well ahead of pace, and for the most part we've knocked out most of our dialogue. The first question everyone always asks me is, 'how do you think it's going?' and my response is simply, 'how do you think it is?'
To this point, everything honestly has been going very well. We have some good shots and we have some not so good ones. There are things I would like to change (if I had the opportunity to do it again) but for the most part I'm really happy with what we have done to this point. I don't know how the movie is going to cut together since we're a long ways from the finish, but what I can say is when your instructor/producer looks at you as says point blankly, 'you're a talented effer' while your crew is simultaneously glowing about how some of the shots look, it only makes you feel like you're doing your job right.
I don't mean to throw that in there because I'm trying to be arrogant, but in all truthfulness I don't feel as if this movie has changed me one bit. The thing I find most interesting is that I could really care less what format we shoot this story on, because in the end I'm only focused on trying to tell a story as complete as I can. And in the end, I'm starting to know that this is the only thing that matters. It's nice to hear people say good things about you, but does it matter? No it doesn't, because it's not going to make me a better storyteller and it's sure as hell not going to make me a better director.
Right now the running on set joke is of me standing next to camera with the video assist working with the camera operator on his framing. I know I've already exceeded most director's I've seen (at least at Full Sail) in terms of working with talent (the actors), and that's no different here. Despite the fact I am next to the camera, I have to be next to it because I want to be directly next to my actors. I want to be within a whispers inch and I want the immediacy of being able to change things on the fly - not from 40-feet away. Also, I think a director and actor relationship has to be one of trust and the more I'm with them the more they'll open up and give me. I've noticed this with some of our actors and in return they're taking their performances to levels which I don't think they normally open up to. That's a risk they're willing to take because they know and trust that I am going to make them look good.
That's why, when people ask me how do I think it's going I respond the way I do. Because if my crew can feel the performance from the giant video-assist on the far side of the soundstage then I am doing my job. This movie is bigger than all of us, but it is OUR film. I want everyone associated to look back on it (regardless of whether it turns out good or bad) and smile and reminisce about the experience we had and the place that started it all for us.
However for now, for those of you who want to know how I feel it is going. I don't think there is anything from this film that won't make the group proud. I know the shots look great, I know the framing will be decent at worst, and I know that our actors are giving us decent and great performances. In short, it's going better than I ever than I ever would have thought. But we're still only at the halfway point.
Now's not the time to get complacent, and despite the fact that things have been going well, we cannot allow ourselves to get caught up in that. It's not how we start but how we finish that counts. I just hope that we can maintain this effort...but seeing my crew in action I know we'll be all right! :)
Now, it's time to rest up. Two days down, two more to go!
Adios!!!
To this point, everything honestly has been going very well. We have some good shots and we have some not so good ones. There are things I would like to change (if I had the opportunity to do it again) but for the most part I'm really happy with what we have done to this point. I don't know how the movie is going to cut together since we're a long ways from the finish, but what I can say is when your instructor/producer looks at you as says point blankly, 'you're a talented effer' while your crew is simultaneously glowing about how some of the shots look, it only makes you feel like you're doing your job right.
I don't mean to throw that in there because I'm trying to be arrogant, but in all truthfulness I don't feel as if this movie has changed me one bit. The thing I find most interesting is that I could really care less what format we shoot this story on, because in the end I'm only focused on trying to tell a story as complete as I can. And in the end, I'm starting to know that this is the only thing that matters. It's nice to hear people say good things about you, but does it matter? No it doesn't, because it's not going to make me a better storyteller and it's sure as hell not going to make me a better director.
Right now the running on set joke is of me standing next to camera with the video assist working with the camera operator on his framing. I know I've already exceeded most director's I've seen (at least at Full Sail) in terms of working with talent (the actors), and that's no different here. Despite the fact I am next to the camera, I have to be next to it because I want to be directly next to my actors. I want to be within a whispers inch and I want the immediacy of being able to change things on the fly - not from 40-feet away. Also, I think a director and actor relationship has to be one of trust and the more I'm with them the more they'll open up and give me. I've noticed this with some of our actors and in return they're taking their performances to levels which I don't think they normally open up to. That's a risk they're willing to take because they know and trust that I am going to make them look good.
That's why, when people ask me how do I think it's going I respond the way I do. Because if my crew can feel the performance from the giant video-assist on the far side of the soundstage then I am doing my job. This movie is bigger than all of us, but it is OUR film. I want everyone associated to look back on it (regardless of whether it turns out good or bad) and smile and reminisce about the experience we had and the place that started it all for us.
However for now, for those of you who want to know how I feel it is going. I don't think there is anything from this film that won't make the group proud. I know the shots look great, I know the framing will be decent at worst, and I know that our actors are giving us decent and great performances. In short, it's going better than I ever than I ever would have thought. But we're still only at the halfway point.
Now's not the time to get complacent, and despite the fact that things have been going well, we cannot allow ourselves to get caught up in that. It's not how we start but how we finish that counts. I just hope that we can maintain this effort...but seeing my crew in action I know we'll be all right! :)
Now, it's time to rest up. Two days down, two more to go!
Adios!!!
Friday, June 5, 2009
GSJG_Blocking
Blocking. What is it and why is it important?
In my opinion blocking isn’t something that an entire day should be allocated for, but it’s something that is seen as a necessity before shooting a production at Full Sail. In my mind, and the way it is in the real world, a crew should be talented enough to show up on set the day of and begin production instead of walking through a scripted set of shots. Why do we have it? Because it’s a precaution to make sure we can handle our hardest shots, and so we can find out weakest links before we begin shooting for real.
Today was a good example of how a good crew should operate. I warned my camera team that I was going to be hard on them today. I told them that I operate at an extremely high rate and they responded to that, rising to the challenge. I was not disappointed when we blocked out 18-shots in 18-different locations in an 8-hour period (which is unheard of for film-school students). This included a 3-hour set up for one (1) shot. That’s bringing the mail and result of first-rate teamwork. More so than that after the camera team saw the look I was going for, it only reinvigorated their excitement for this film…as well as my crew’s.
I have to admit, I owe an apology to my DP (Director of Photography). Blocking is supposed to be his time to shine, but since I have a distinct look I want to achieve, I took the viewfinder, assumed control and went to town. I was probably that happiest I’ve been in a long time, yet ironically because I was so intense everyone thought I was angry, lol. I had to explain later that I was so focused that I came across that way. But c’est la vie, you can’t please everyone.
The greatest response I had from everyone came from the entire crew’s reaction to a few of the shots. For the most part, I designed this entire film for how I wanted specific characters and movements to be seen. As a result, no one understood how I wanted things to look. Yet, when they finally saw how I blocked specific shots I could barely hide the smile on my face when afterward they were talking about how awesome certain shots looked.
I know this film is still a “student production” but one thing I can promise is that it’s not going to have the typical appeal most productions have. Not every shot is going to be amazing or groundbreaking, and some things we are doing are very primitive and basic, but I’m trying to tell this story in a way that will pull people in and entertain them. (This is something that’s extremely complicated when you factor in that we’re shooting on one room the entire time)
With blocking finished, now comes the hard part: incorporating the talent.
In the end, this entire film is my responsibility and whether we are wildly successful or dreadfully horrible, I will gladly assume any negative or response or reaction this production receives. Obviously I am hoping for a positive response, but I’m prepared for the worst. We have a long ways to go before we can start to smile, and tomorrow is just the first day.
My personal challenge is to bring out the best performance from my talent (aka the actors). I have had the least time to work with them compared to the other crews (which is an enormous disadvantage) but I trust in my framing and I trust in the look of our film. The only one who is left to step up is myself. As such, this is now squarely on my shoulders, and I’ve already sacrificed too much to get to this point to give anything less than my best effort.
So let’s see how far we can push this and create something that represents storytelling at its best.
In my opinion blocking isn’t something that an entire day should be allocated for, but it’s something that is seen as a necessity before shooting a production at Full Sail. In my mind, and the way it is in the real world, a crew should be talented enough to show up on set the day of and begin production instead of walking through a scripted set of shots. Why do we have it? Because it’s a precaution to make sure we can handle our hardest shots, and so we can find out weakest links before we begin shooting for real.
Today was a good example of how a good crew should operate. I warned my camera team that I was going to be hard on them today. I told them that I operate at an extremely high rate and they responded to that, rising to the challenge. I was not disappointed when we blocked out 18-shots in 18-different locations in an 8-hour period (which is unheard of for film-school students). This included a 3-hour set up for one (1) shot. That’s bringing the mail and result of first-rate teamwork. More so than that after the camera team saw the look I was going for, it only reinvigorated their excitement for this film…as well as my crew’s.
I have to admit, I owe an apology to my DP (Director of Photography). Blocking is supposed to be his time to shine, but since I have a distinct look I want to achieve, I took the viewfinder, assumed control and went to town. I was probably that happiest I’ve been in a long time, yet ironically because I was so intense everyone thought I was angry, lol. I had to explain later that I was so focused that I came across that way. But c’est la vie, you can’t please everyone.
The greatest response I had from everyone came from the entire crew’s reaction to a few of the shots. For the most part, I designed this entire film for how I wanted specific characters and movements to be seen. As a result, no one understood how I wanted things to look. Yet, when they finally saw how I blocked specific shots I could barely hide the smile on my face when afterward they were talking about how awesome certain shots looked.
I know this film is still a “student production” but one thing I can promise is that it’s not going to have the typical appeal most productions have. Not every shot is going to be amazing or groundbreaking, and some things we are doing are very primitive and basic, but I’m trying to tell this story in a way that will pull people in and entertain them. (This is something that’s extremely complicated when you factor in that we’re shooting on one room the entire time)
With blocking finished, now comes the hard part: incorporating the talent.
In the end, this entire film is my responsibility and whether we are wildly successful or dreadfully horrible, I will gladly assume any negative or response or reaction this production receives. Obviously I am hoping for a positive response, but I’m prepared for the worst. We have a long ways to go before we can start to smile, and tomorrow is just the first day.
My personal challenge is to bring out the best performance from my talent (aka the actors). I have had the least time to work with them compared to the other crews (which is an enormous disadvantage) but I trust in my framing and I trust in the look of our film. The only one who is left to step up is myself. As such, this is now squarely on my shoulders, and I’ve already sacrificed too much to get to this point to give anything less than my best effort.
So let’s see how far we can push this and create something that represents storytelling at its best.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
GSJG_The Beginning
Today was our Pre-Light day, which means we finally turned the house lights off and set up the lights that we're going to be shooting with in this film in. It went as expected...a complete mess. One of my greatest concerns happened, and we used all eight-hours to tweak the lighting. There's still a lot of work to be done, but for the purposes of this film, I'll do the best I can.
David Fincher was quoted on the set of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button that film is, "98-percent compromise." I knew that going in and it's definitely apparent now. I'm learning my lessons about my crew, my keys and myself. There are things I'll never do again, but now that the preproduction phase is over, it's now time to compensate for these new problems.
Here's hoping that we can pull this off. Everyone says we will, and everyone says they have confidence in me. Nervousness is consuming me, and pushing me to look at everything. Who knows what this will end up looking like, but I know I'm going to give it my effort. Hopefully everyone's right...
David Fincher was quoted on the set of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button that film is, "98-percent compromise." I knew that going in and it's definitely apparent now. I'm learning my lessons about my crew, my keys and myself. There are things I'll never do again, but now that the preproduction phase is over, it's now time to compensate for these new problems.
Here's hoping that we can pull this off. Everyone says we will, and everyone says they have confidence in me. Nervousness is consuming me, and pushing me to look at everything. Who knows what this will end up looking like, but I know I'm going to give it my effort. Hopefully everyone's right...
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
GSJG_Double Lesson: Breathe
Soooo, I've got a lot on my mind tonight. Just going through the shot list, script, dialogue timings from the rehearsals (thanks Script Supe) and a whole bunch of other stuff.
Anyway, Lesson Two for today: Breathe (aka Kobe)
This one is a little hard to explain, but stick with me here. When I played tennis (yeah, 'back in the day') I used to play my best when I played within myself and let my talent come out of me in controlled bursts, and when I played out of my mind it was my 'Kobe' level. In other words, when I let things come to me naturally instead of pressing the point or forcing the issue I felt as if there was not a better tennis player in the world. period.
I came up with this term because it's simplicity. If you watch Kobe Bryant play basketball you know he's talented. It's obvious and it's duly noted too when it seems the majority of the time your shocked when he doesn't score. But, when he dominates and flips that switch to take over games you'll notice one thing. He doesn't force anything. it just comes to him naturally. Hence the term, 'Kobe'.
I think that translates over to film, too. I know when I'm on set I get excited and I let my emotions flow generously. Often times leaving myself exhausted at the end of the day and prone to missing things. I've learned in the past few weeks that as the person responsible for the production that's seen, I cannot let myself be prone to missing anything. at all.
You'll often times here of directors who do take after take after take (think of David Fincher) and how hard they are to work with and so forth. But after seeing them work on DVD extras, listening to stories and reading about them as much as I can see why Fincher, among others, is so hard on his cast and crew. It's not that I sympathize with him or chose his approach over others, it's because I can understand what he's thinking and how everything is literally just as important as the next. He can see that and he accounts for that.
I know I'm no where near the level of genius that Fincher is. But, that's something that's learned in time. For now, instead of aspiring to his level I have to experience things one take at a time and push myself to learn and see these things. I know I'm a long ways from where I will be one day, but as long as I take into account the details and the small things every step of the way, I know I'll be progressively getting there. But for the time being, I need to remember to breathe and allow my talent (assuming there is any) to carry me forward. If I keep applying myself and adding the new things I learn/see along the way, I'll only get better and maybe one day someone will say, 'Keeling'.
On second thought, maybe not. It just doesn't have the same ring, haha...
Anyway, Lesson Two for today: Breathe (aka Kobe)
This one is a little hard to explain, but stick with me here. When I played tennis (yeah, 'back in the day') I used to play my best when I played within myself and let my talent come out of me in controlled bursts, and when I played out of my mind it was my 'Kobe' level. In other words, when I let things come to me naturally instead of pressing the point or forcing the issue I felt as if there was not a better tennis player in the world. period.
I came up with this term because it's simplicity. If you watch Kobe Bryant play basketball you know he's talented. It's obvious and it's duly noted too when it seems the majority of the time your shocked when he doesn't score. But, when he dominates and flips that switch to take over games you'll notice one thing. He doesn't force anything. it just comes to him naturally. Hence the term, 'Kobe'.
I think that translates over to film, too. I know when I'm on set I get excited and I let my emotions flow generously. Often times leaving myself exhausted at the end of the day and prone to missing things. I've learned in the past few weeks that as the person responsible for the production that's seen, I cannot let myself be prone to missing anything. at all.
You'll often times here of directors who do take after take after take (think of David Fincher) and how hard they are to work with and so forth. But after seeing them work on DVD extras, listening to stories and reading about them as much as I can see why Fincher, among others, is so hard on his cast and crew. It's not that I sympathize with him or chose his approach over others, it's because I can understand what he's thinking and how everything is literally just as important as the next. He can see that and he accounts for that.
I know I'm no where near the level of genius that Fincher is. But, that's something that's learned in time. For now, instead of aspiring to his level I have to experience things one take at a time and push myself to learn and see these things. I know I'm a long ways from where I will be one day, but as long as I take into account the details and the small things every step of the way, I know I'll be progressively getting there. But for the time being, I need to remember to breathe and allow my talent (assuming there is any) to carry me forward. If I keep applying myself and adding the new things I learn/see along the way, I'll only get better and maybe one day someone will say, 'Keeling'.
On second thought, maybe not. It just doesn't have the same ring, haha...
GSJG_Characterization
Today’s lesson: attention to detail.
With only three days until we strike the first light on our thesis production, we’ve been on a limited schedule and accelerated time frame. As such, I’ve only been able to meet with our talent a few times and progress from read-throughs to rehearsals to blocking sessions. Tonight’s three-hour session was a combination of rehearsing and blocking. For the first time, we had the entire assemblage of talent on the soundstage where we will attempt to transform them back to 1962. This will be the last time we will meet before the shoot.
As we went through one of our blocking set ups, we ran into a problem. The actors weren’t feeling the scene and there wasn’t a connection between them that would make the scene work. As such, we stopped and brainstormed ideas of how to draw more emotion and depth to the scene. After about 15 takes it finally hit me…
I have been researching this subject to the greatest extremes I realized there was one thing missing: the characterizations that were embedded by the individuals we were portraying. What I mean by that is everyone has their nuances that they do subconsciously. It’s something that’s unique to the individual and sometimes looked at as a trait that people often times identify with us. In this case, I had my actor portraying Chris Kraft walk around like he actually did. I have seen enough footage of the man and researched him so thoroughly to the point that I knew how he would be pacing and specifically where and how his hand movements/gestures would be. It didn’t sink in to me until that point these were things that are essential – mainly because I was more concerned about the performance the actor was giving.
After giving the talent new direction and motivation, it was uncanny how much more depth and connection the two actors shared in front of me. It was suddenly apparent that there was a different air between them, and things changed completely. The scene no longer felt flat and the world around them (even though nothing was there) came to life. Maybe this was a fluke or maybe not, but regardless this new idea is something that’s going to help accentuate this story and create added depth (this is especially important since we’re stuck in one room).
What I realized is that I am visualizing this movie through a movie camera, and not through a moving 3-D world. Things move, people move, characteristics that people have need to come to life regardless of how tight the framing is, and if we just have the characters recite lines we’ll put our audience to sleep…no matter how awesome the shots look or how intense the situation becomes.
Although this might seem very rudimentary and almost common knowledge, this is something that I guarantee most ‘directors’ fail to capitalize on. Just use me as an example. Now that I have it in the back of my head – let’s see where this takes us to next-
With only three days until we strike the first light on our thesis production, we’ve been on a limited schedule and accelerated time frame. As such, I’ve only been able to meet with our talent a few times and progress from read-throughs to rehearsals to blocking sessions. Tonight’s three-hour session was a combination of rehearsing and blocking. For the first time, we had the entire assemblage of talent on the soundstage where we will attempt to transform them back to 1962. This will be the last time we will meet before the shoot.
As we went through one of our blocking set ups, we ran into a problem. The actors weren’t feeling the scene and there wasn’t a connection between them that would make the scene work. As such, we stopped and brainstormed ideas of how to draw more emotion and depth to the scene. After about 15 takes it finally hit me…
I have been researching this subject to the greatest extremes I realized there was one thing missing: the characterizations that were embedded by the individuals we were portraying. What I mean by that is everyone has their nuances that they do subconsciously. It’s something that’s unique to the individual and sometimes looked at as a trait that people often times identify with us. In this case, I had my actor portraying Chris Kraft walk around like he actually did. I have seen enough footage of the man and researched him so thoroughly to the point that I knew how he would be pacing and specifically where and how his hand movements/gestures would be. It didn’t sink in to me until that point these were things that are essential – mainly because I was more concerned about the performance the actor was giving.
After giving the talent new direction and motivation, it was uncanny how much more depth and connection the two actors shared in front of me. It was suddenly apparent that there was a different air between them, and things changed completely. The scene no longer felt flat and the world around them (even though nothing was there) came to life. Maybe this was a fluke or maybe not, but regardless this new idea is something that’s going to help accentuate this story and create added depth (this is especially important since we’re stuck in one room).
What I realized is that I am visualizing this movie through a movie camera, and not through a moving 3-D world. Things move, people move, characteristics that people have need to come to life regardless of how tight the framing is, and if we just have the characters recite lines we’ll put our audience to sleep…no matter how awesome the shots look or how intense the situation becomes.
Although this might seem very rudimentary and almost common knowledge, this is something that I guarantee most ‘directors’ fail to capitalize on. Just use me as an example. Now that I have it in the back of my head – let’s see where this takes us to next-
Saturday, May 30, 2009
GSJG_Leadership
Orson Welles is arguably one of the greatest filmmakers who ever lived. He was a man fueled his desire and consumed by his vision. As a filmmaker he sought out and achieved the impossible and as a storyteller there was no equal. His talents were so extraordinary that envy drove his competition to claim he was not a genius, despite the fact that no one ever claimed he was.
He is just one of many examples of sheer filmmaking talent that I hope to aspire to one day. Yet, I know that his success was not an accident. His achievements were not dictated by others’ influence.
In the student filmmaker world, things are considerably different than they are on a real set. For instance, at school the crew doesn’t care how fast they move or how hard they work. They know they won’t be fired and there is no paycheck depending on their work ethic. If anything, by not applying themselves they are wasting their money and losing out on the opportunity to learn. It’s a place where leadership is just as valuable as one’s talent or filmmaking skills. And most of all, a place where ego needs to stay out of the equation.
My biggest complaint is that, as filmmakers, we are nothing. Yet, no one wants to accept that. I mean, what have we accomplished? No one has revolutionized the wheel, and no one has broken any barriers that haven’t already been crossed before. We are neophytes learning on the go and constantly forgetting the fact that we really don’t know what we are doing. This is because we are constantly crossing new ground, and this month is no different since we are now filming on a format that is foreign to us entirely.
And as we struggle to maintain the crew’s involvement, it becomes apparent who the leaders are. And they are not always the ones who are in leadership positions. I know this is a fact in several of the film crews that are filming this month, my crew included. But, the challenge is not working around that, but trying to get those individuals to assume the mantle and apply themselves in a manner in which they are not comfortable.
As the leader and focal point for my production, I have worked constantly at getting my crew excited about our film and fired up about what we’re attempting to do. Despite the fact that we are listed as a band of misfits we have proven every one wrong and come together as a team that has accomplished far more than I thought we would. Despite this, we still remain so far from being ready to shoot despite the fact that our first day is next week. More than anything, right now I need my Keys to step up and assume their roles as leaders. This is no time to be modest and be ‘friends’ with our classmates. We have a job to do, and that is the most important aspect of this class. This is our Thesis and our time to show that we are competent in our roles and positions – and not sit back and cower in the corner or be too timid to step up. No one man can do this alone – I just hope that I have the leaders in place to ensure the success of this film.
And as men like Orson Welles have proven time and time again. If you want to make your work and your vision to come across on screen, you cannot afford to be modest. You have to want to apply yourself, not be afraid of hurting people’s feeling and you have to want to take risks and chances. This gift of storytelling is extremely hard to accomplish successfully, and as magicians of photography we have to be willing to take those chances if we are to succeed. Otherwise, we fail as leaders and our work becomes irrelevant. I know that’s not how I want to be remembered. And I refuse to accept anything short of giving my best effort to my crew and my audience, whoever they may be.
Now’s the time to step up and now’s the time to set the standard.
“Nobody who takes on anything big and tough can afford to be modest.”
-Orson Welles
He is just one of many examples of sheer filmmaking talent that I hope to aspire to one day. Yet, I know that his success was not an accident. His achievements were not dictated by others’ influence.
In the student filmmaker world, things are considerably different than they are on a real set. For instance, at school the crew doesn’t care how fast they move or how hard they work. They know they won’t be fired and there is no paycheck depending on their work ethic. If anything, by not applying themselves they are wasting their money and losing out on the opportunity to learn. It’s a place where leadership is just as valuable as one’s talent or filmmaking skills. And most of all, a place where ego needs to stay out of the equation.
My biggest complaint is that, as filmmakers, we are nothing. Yet, no one wants to accept that. I mean, what have we accomplished? No one has revolutionized the wheel, and no one has broken any barriers that haven’t already been crossed before. We are neophytes learning on the go and constantly forgetting the fact that we really don’t know what we are doing. This is because we are constantly crossing new ground, and this month is no different since we are now filming on a format that is foreign to us entirely.
And as we struggle to maintain the crew’s involvement, it becomes apparent who the leaders are. And they are not always the ones who are in leadership positions. I know this is a fact in several of the film crews that are filming this month, my crew included. But, the challenge is not working around that, but trying to get those individuals to assume the mantle and apply themselves in a manner in which they are not comfortable.
As the leader and focal point for my production, I have worked constantly at getting my crew excited about our film and fired up about what we’re attempting to do. Despite the fact that we are listed as a band of misfits we have proven every one wrong and come together as a team that has accomplished far more than I thought we would. Despite this, we still remain so far from being ready to shoot despite the fact that our first day is next week. More than anything, right now I need my Keys to step up and assume their roles as leaders. This is no time to be modest and be ‘friends’ with our classmates. We have a job to do, and that is the most important aspect of this class. This is our Thesis and our time to show that we are competent in our roles and positions – and not sit back and cower in the corner or be too timid to step up. No one man can do this alone – I just hope that I have the leaders in place to ensure the success of this film.
And as men like Orson Welles have proven time and time again. If you want to make your work and your vision to come across on screen, you cannot afford to be modest. You have to want to apply yourself, not be afraid of hurting people’s feeling and you have to want to take risks and chances. This gift of storytelling is extremely hard to accomplish successfully, and as magicians of photography we have to be willing to take those chances if we are to succeed. Otherwise, we fail as leaders and our work becomes irrelevant. I know that’s not how I want to be remembered. And I refuse to accept anything short of giving my best effort to my crew and my audience, whoever they may be.
Now’s the time to step up and now’s the time to set the standard.
“Nobody who takes on anything big and tough can afford to be modest.”
-Orson Welles
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
GSJG Updates
We are two build labs into the creation of our 35mm project, 'God Speed, John Glenn,' and although I wish I could say I'm feeling confident I'm starting to get nervous...extremely nervous. I'm being told by my instructors that if I wasn't I then something would be wrong. Although I know we'll construct a pretty reasonable Mercury Control Center (MCC) I just don't know what to make of it when I see my Production Designer and Art Director not on the same page. Furthermore, I feel as if my Director of Photography and I are not on the same page either...
Questions are raised in my mind: can we do this? are we focused? what more can I do? how I can I get everyone to focus?
I don't know how to begin all of this, since we are essentially at the end of our time here at Full Sail. I have confidence in what I've come up with shot wise. But I need my DP to know this and give me reinforcement that I need to know that he sees this the same way I do. I need my PD and Art Director to stop fighting each other and work together. But most of all, I just need to know that things are going smoother than I perceive them to be...
I can only do so much, but I've already put in more time on this than I thought I would have --> and I still feel like I need to do more! I'm meeting with the actors tonight to go through their scripts and begin the process of helping guide them to find their characters. It's a very exciting time for me personally, but I need to know that whatever I can pull from them isn't going to waste.
I know the teachers in the 35 office see what I am doing, they see my multiple (and enormous) binders, and they see the amount of "useless" knowledge that I've attained learning after trying to integrate myself into a world that existed nearly 50-years ago. I feel like I am closer to who these men than I ever hoped to be - and I still have a meeting on Friday with a NASA legend. The man who got Mercury into orbit, the man who saved the Apollo Program after the tragedy of Apollo I and the man who literally got the Space Shuttle off the ground. His name is T.J. O'Malley, and while not much is written about him in history books - he is a legend the kind of which the Glenn's and Armstong's even revered. That's saying something...
I guess right now, I know and see the work I'm putting in. I know every process and every step is bringing me closer to achieve my potential on this project. I also know that I am learning more and more about myself, about movie-making but most of all storytelling. After all, that is easily the most important thing to me - I want to tell an amazing story and portray it to the audience in a way that they are compelled and moved by the events and struggles of this mission. At the same time, I want to know that everyone else is as compelled and driven as I am to make this vision a reality. I can't do this alone, and while I would like to spend my down time at the beach frolicking around in the surf or running endless miles around Lake Baldwin, I just need to know that everyone is putting in their part, too.
This is an entire team effort - and I need my team to step up their game, assume their role as a leader and bring to the table everything that they're capable of. This is our final thesis, and to me personally, it is my chance to demonstrate my abilities to lead this production.
But I guess my instructors are right because if I wasn't nervous or on the verge of 'freaking out' then something would be wrong...
Questions are raised in my mind: can we do this? are we focused? what more can I do? how I can I get everyone to focus?
I don't know how to begin all of this, since we are essentially at the end of our time here at Full Sail. I have confidence in what I've come up with shot wise. But I need my DP to know this and give me reinforcement that I need to know that he sees this the same way I do. I need my PD and Art Director to stop fighting each other and work together. But most of all, I just need to know that things are going smoother than I perceive them to be...
I can only do so much, but I've already put in more time on this than I thought I would have --> and I still feel like I need to do more! I'm meeting with the actors tonight to go through their scripts and begin the process of helping guide them to find their characters. It's a very exciting time for me personally, but I need to know that whatever I can pull from them isn't going to waste.
I know the teachers in the 35 office see what I am doing, they see my multiple (and enormous) binders, and they see the amount of "useless" knowledge that I've attained learning after trying to integrate myself into a world that existed nearly 50-years ago. I feel like I am closer to who these men than I ever hoped to be - and I still have a meeting on Friday with a NASA legend. The man who got Mercury into orbit, the man who saved the Apollo Program after the tragedy of Apollo I and the man who literally got the Space Shuttle off the ground. His name is T.J. O'Malley, and while not much is written about him in history books - he is a legend the kind of which the Glenn's and Armstong's even revered. That's saying something...
I guess right now, I know and see the work I'm putting in. I know every process and every step is bringing me closer to achieve my potential on this project. I also know that I am learning more and more about myself, about movie-making but most of all storytelling. After all, that is easily the most important thing to me - I want to tell an amazing story and portray it to the audience in a way that they are compelled and moved by the events and struggles of this mission. At the same time, I want to know that everyone else is as compelled and driven as I am to make this vision a reality. I can't do this alone, and while I would like to spend my down time at the beach frolicking around in the surf or running endless miles around Lake Baldwin, I just need to know that everyone is putting in their part, too.
This is an entire team effort - and I need my team to step up their game, assume their role as a leader and bring to the table everything that they're capable of. This is our final thesis, and to me personally, it is my chance to demonstrate my abilities to lead this production.
But I guess my instructors are right because if I wasn't nervous or on the verge of 'freaking out' then something would be wrong...
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Reassurances
I've been in Florida for the better part of the last year and a half in pursuit of something that's a complete crap shoot. Nothing in film is guaranteed and everything we're fighting to achieve is determined by many factors (of which the most recurring seems to be luck). I'm honestly scarred witless as to what's going to happen next, but I'm ready to take that step.
Sometimes I have my moments were I allow doubt to creep in and let my insecurities dominate my mindset. But, yesterday one of my closest friends said something that completely changed my outlook on this future that I'm determined to carve out of nothing.
He was having a discussion about his future with his girlfriend (who also goes to school with us) and they were trying to figure out what their next move should be together after graduation. He told me his girlfriend, Jess, said that they should stay close to me. Her reasoning was that she felt I was going to approach the kind of success that we all dream about. My friend, Jake, said he agreed.
I honestly don't know how to react to their comments because of what it means to me. That kind of reassurance cannot be described, especially since it comes from my peers (who are leaders themselves) who hold me in that regard. Even last month someone close to me looked me in the eye while we were lying down and told me that she knew I would be great, too. I cannot express how important those words are - but how do you respond to that? The answer is I don't know...
What I can say is I didn't come all this way and sacrifice so much to fail. Their words only reinforce the notion that I am on the right path - but the real work is to come. As I look at the road ahead I know there will be a lot of hardships, but my promise is that I will never quit, and I will never give up on this dream. I haven't come all this way to stop now...
Sometimes I have my moments were I allow doubt to creep in and let my insecurities dominate my mindset. But, yesterday one of my closest friends said something that completely changed my outlook on this future that I'm determined to carve out of nothing.
He was having a discussion about his future with his girlfriend (who also goes to school with us) and they were trying to figure out what their next move should be together after graduation. He told me his girlfriend, Jess, said that they should stay close to me. Her reasoning was that she felt I was going to approach the kind of success that we all dream about. My friend, Jake, said he agreed.
I honestly don't know how to react to their comments because of what it means to me. That kind of reassurance cannot be described, especially since it comes from my peers (who are leaders themselves) who hold me in that regard. Even last month someone close to me looked me in the eye while we were lying down and told me that she knew I would be great, too. I cannot express how important those words are - but how do you respond to that? The answer is I don't know...
What I can say is I didn't come all this way and sacrifice so much to fail. Their words only reinforce the notion that I am on the right path - but the real work is to come. As I look at the road ahead I know there will be a lot of hardships, but my promise is that I will never quit, and I will never give up on this dream. I haven't come all this way to stop now...
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Case In Point
The past week has been insanely hard prepping for GSJG, and since it's pouring this afternoon and I actual have a minute to breath a lot of random thoughts flooded my mind that were surprisingly not film related. One such thought was the realization that since I have arrived in Florida it seems everyone who is close to me (that's not family) has disappointed me in some way or another. Although this seems to be a reoccurring trend, I'm coming to realize this is how my life is. However, I've also realized something else too:
Monday, May 4, 2009
Green Light to GSJG
It's been over a year since a random idea crossed my mind regarding a script for final project. It was simple. The idea was to tell a story about a miraculous NASA mission told through the controllers in the Mission Control room. Originally, the story was to take place in the future around the time the Constellation program was taking off. Yet, in the end something didn't work out and the story was changed to encompass the drama that unfolded during the perilous moments in Mercury Control during John Glenn's famed Friendship 7 mission.
Earlier this morning I received the news that I had been waiting over a year to hear. My story, my idea, my concept ("God Speed, John Glenn) was liked well enough to produce. I honestly don't know what to make of it all. It should be the happiest moment I have had since I've been in Florida, yet, after contemplating it for so long there isn't anything to celebrate...and sadly for the first time since September I feel almost empty, and worse I really don't know what to make of it all...
I don't know what it is, but now that I have achieved the goal that I've craved for over a year it's almost as if I cannot grasp the importance of this moment. This is the first real step toward becoming what I've dreamt of - yet, when I look at it, I sit here and ask myself...has the sacrifice been worth it?
I guess more than anything, today and the past week have been a period of reflection for me. At one end of this journey, I am quickly achieving goals that I set out for when I left Arizona (the ones that are taped to the back of my door)...yet, at the other end is the realization that I sacrificed everything I had in Arizona to get to this stage.
My friend Jake told me earlier today, and maybe he said it best, 'no one understands what we are going through, except us. And although we are thousands of miles from our best friends and our families - you'll always have us...and we'll always be here for you.'
I cannot express how hard this journey has been - and although I am not entirely alone - having to pick up the pieces from those who impacted my life the most is never an easy task. Yet, as I sit here collecting my thoughts and gearing up for what is to become the greatest and hardest couple months of my professional life I cannot help but think of those who helped me get here. And regardless of whether they are my family, my friends or even a part of my life, everything that happens in the coming months is for you. Because without your support, love or belief in me - all of this would be for not.
I think it's worth noting too, and in the end my core group of friends and I triumphed in getting two (2) of the three (3) scripts green-lit for final project. I was slated to direct both, but I am sticking with my script and will tell it the way I intend it to be seen.
For all of you out there. This is for you -
Earlier this morning I received the news that I had been waiting over a year to hear. My story, my idea, my concept ("God Speed, John Glenn) was liked well enough to produce. I honestly don't know what to make of it all. It should be the happiest moment I have had since I've been in Florida, yet, after contemplating it for so long there isn't anything to celebrate...and sadly for the first time since September I feel almost empty, and worse I really don't know what to make of it all...
I don't know what it is, but now that I have achieved the goal that I've craved for over a year it's almost as if I cannot grasp the importance of this moment. This is the first real step toward becoming what I've dreamt of - yet, when I look at it, I sit here and ask myself...has the sacrifice been worth it?
I guess more than anything, today and the past week have been a period of reflection for me. At one end of this journey, I am quickly achieving goals that I set out for when I left Arizona (the ones that are taped to the back of my door)...yet, at the other end is the realization that I sacrificed everything I had in Arizona to get to this stage.
My friend Jake told me earlier today, and maybe he said it best, 'no one understands what we are going through, except us. And although we are thousands of miles from our best friends and our families - you'll always have us...and we'll always be here for you.'
I cannot express how hard this journey has been - and although I am not entirely alone - having to pick up the pieces from those who impacted my life the most is never an easy task. Yet, as I sit here collecting my thoughts and gearing up for what is to become the greatest and hardest couple months of my professional life I cannot help but think of those who helped me get here. And regardless of whether they are my family, my friends or even a part of my life, everything that happens in the coming months is for you. Because without your support, love or belief in me - all of this would be for not.
I think it's worth noting too, and in the end my core group of friends and I triumphed in getting two (2) of the three (3) scripts green-lit for final project. I was slated to direct both, but I am sticking with my script and will tell it the way I intend it to be seen.
For all of you out there. This is for you -
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Cocoa
So I've been (admittedly) lazy about updating the blog. So here are a few pics that I took about two weeks ago from Cocoa during another sunrise.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
