John Glenn.

Despite my recent issues regarding graduation, post-graduation and a reflectance on everything lately, I have completely different news of something that blows me away. Again. Whether or not if I'm lucky, really that good or in the right place at the right time, it appears that my dream of telling John Glenn's story has now reached another level. I thought everything had climaxed with the completion of the film and the reviews I received from my classmates as well as my teachers, but now comes the most incredible news yet.

During the course of creating this story I have been given the privilege of meeting, talking to and working with some of the most awe inspiring people of the 20th Century. I've been given access to places that nobody else is normally given access to, and have had the archival vaults opened to assist us in this project. But now comes the news that John Glenn himself has now heard of our project and has given us his approval for telling this story...

I honestly do not know how to react to this news. I'm so blown away by this news that I cannot begin to describe what it means to me. I don't know if I possess the talent to move people, entertain them they way I envision or create a decent product. But this is something that is on a totally different level. Starting with David Oliver and continuing until now, I'm finding that my ambition and drive for stories keeps bringing my dreams to greater and greater heights. And although I do not get starstruck very easily, it completely renders me speechless when the projects I work on continue to introduce me to and connect me with the people they do.

For example, John Glenn. This is the first American to orbit the Earth. A man whose mission was so vitally important to our country and sense of national patriotism, that everyone across the nation literally stopped working for the duration of his mission because of its importance. This isn't just your average astronaut or Senator for that matter. This is an American icon, someone whose prominence in American history rivals that of JFK, Coca-Cola and Chevrolet. How does it get bigger than this (or better for that matter)? In theory, I am just another filmmaker, a student filmmaker. And yet, because of the scope of this project, my passion for this story and having the right connections we are not just telling this story. It is now being brought to life with the truth and knowledge that the man whose name accompanies the title has given us his blessing.

It doesn't get better than this.

The Mechanic. My Conscience.

Over the past week or so I've been getting a lot of work done on the Jeep. Unfortunately it's costing a little more than I originally anticipated, but more so it's also proving to be one of the best things that's happened to me in sometime. The reason I say this is because my mechanic, Alfredo, is also one of the best people I've met since I've been in Florida.

Alfredo is a simple man from Puerto Rico who started out in the USAF working as a mechanic on fighter jets before moving to Central Florida and finding work at car dealerships. However, it wasn't long after working at Ford and Lexus before he opened his own shop, mainly because he couldn't stand lying to customers and the politics involved. I know this might seem like an ample time to say, 'yeah right, but that's what all mechanics want you to thing,' until you take into account that Alfredo is also an ordained minister. He is a highly religious man and someone who takes pride in his work and satisfaction in his client relationships...which leads me to this entry.

It wasn't until today when I actually had time to talk with Alfredo personally, one-on-one. So far most of the work that's been done at the shop has been by his employee, Joswe, who has shown me first hand everything that he's been doing under the car. It's been a fascinating experience learning and understand how my car works and seeing first hand what he's talking about fixing and letting me watch from beside him as he goes about fixing the Jeep.

Anyway, back to Alfredo. Today, I brought the car back in because I was hearing something out of the ordinary from the rear differential. Since the oil got changed in it recently, I wanted to make sure that everything with it was okay. And since they weren't able to get around to me until later in the day, they couldn't open up the casing and verify for themselves. However when I was trying to explain the problem to Alfredo (while driving so he could hear) we got into talking. I guess it was more so because he is a minister and lately a lot of things have been on my mind. What ultimately started out as a bug hunt on the Jeep turned into a delve into my personal psyche that Alfredo took as an opportunity to help me understand the things that are happening in my life. And like a minister he listened to me and offered the advice that I have desperately needed to hear for sometime now.

As it turns out, I realized by my own accord that I have been so clouded by issues surrounding myself for over two-years that I failed to realize what a fool I have been and the failure to recognize my own undoing. More or less, I lost sight of what's important and compromised myself, my past failed relationships and those closest to me because I was more concerned with my perceived social status (ie relationships, future career goals et al) than understanding what the importance and fragility that those things mean and represent. More or less, I took everything (myself included) for granted, lost sight of the meaning of those things and said things that I failed to recognize despite the weight of their true meaning.

Unfortunately I now look back at myself in disgrace, disgusted. Who am I? I know what I want and where I want to be - but finding who I am is something entirely different. It's pathetic when I look at those words, because I know who I want to be, but I am not him yet. And seeing that and how I went about trying to become him is ridiculous and most of all, small. This isn't to say that Alfredo wasn't any help, contrary to that he opened my eyes and allowed me to finally see the side of me that is a trainwreck. But he also allowed me to see the error of my ways and help set me on a path to fix myself and heal from my mistakes. Mistakes that I will not make again.

I know I have hurt a few people recently and over the past couple of years. Some more than others. I know that I've said inappropriate things to people and said things that I didn't mean because I didn't comprehend the depth of those words' meaning. What I am saying is that I know what a pathetic mess I have become, but more so I now finally recognize it. I cannot say that I can change overnight, but what I can say is to those who I have hurt, to those who I have wronged. I'm sorry.

I know I have a long ways to go personally. But knowing the problem and looking at my mistakes, I know that I can change. Most of all, I know that I can become a better person. Not just for those who are in my life, but for those who are no longer a part of this journey. I owe it to myself, to everyone. I can say with certainty that I will make mistakes down the line, but I know where I can improve. I'm sorry it's taken me this long to realize it. I just hope that I can make all of you proud.

GSJG_Retrospect

We wrapped our production on Tuesday evening. We did so by using less than our full allotment of film (something rarely seen) and we did so with time to spare (even rarer). I retrospect don't know what to make of everything, because looking back on it all it was an amazing experience. Something I aimed for since I arrived and, in my opinion, excelled at.

Yet, looking back on this experience I know I am no different than I was a week ago. I have more on-set experience, and I also learned how to work with different actors, problems (there were more than a few serious ones) and control an entire production from start to finish. This movie is a reflection of me and I gave it my best shot. Looking at it, I know there are things we could have done differently, but in the end, this is a learning experience and something that I think will be remembered by more than a few people...instructors included.

Over the course of the production I heard more than a few of my peers gush over how I shot this movie, worked with actors and communicated with everyone on set. In the end, that's the only thing that truly matters to me. Because if I'm doing my job, then that means I am doing my job. Hopefully the final product will reflect this, but after seeing the dailies I feel confident in saying we have enough to edit together a decent story.

On a different note, since we wrapped the production I've been able to decompress and reflect on what coming to Florida has meant since this is essentially the end of school. I gave up more than I ever thought I would. I sacrificed my family (being able to see my parents and my sister's family, especially watching the girls grow up), I sacrificed my closest friends and love. I have talked with my closest friends and they know that doing this was the right thing, but looking back on it all I wonder what would have happened if I never left Arizona. That's one question that will never be answered, but what I do know is that I left Arizona only to lose everything to find myself and become who I am meant to be.

One of the most sobering things I read the other day didn't come from a note or a blog or even from something I saw on facebook. It came from my list of goals that I tapped to the back of my door the first night I arrived in Orlando. On it were a general list of things that I wanted to accomplish in my time here. The one that stood out to me is the one that I feel best reflects my time here in Florida; be the best. I didn't come here to fail. And despite having every reason to crumble and fall apart I have overcome every obstacle in my path. Sometimes things seemed so ridiculous that it felt almost unfair, but when looking back at what I accomplished despite that, I know I can honestly say that I put forth the effort to give myself the benefit of the doubt. Heck, the two sets I worked on in 16mm and 35mm were featured on the school's website for best sets Full Sail has produced. Ever.

In retrospect, things have been a little hard the past few days. My list of goals are complete and my days in Florida are numbered. It's hard to look back and remember the night before I left Arizona. When just a couple of us ate our hearts out Famous Dave's before finishing a Lifehouse acoustical special on VH1; crying. Even that first night of driving, I couldn't go a few minutes without getting teary-eyed as I drove into the darkened night across the desert. I never would have thought this journey would have been so hard.

Yet, all I can do is be thankful for those experiences this journey has given me and as I prepare to take the next step in this profession and use those hardships to fuel my drive to become the best. One day I will achieve that goal, but for now I have to make due with accepting the sacrifices I've made and be content in believing that I made the right decision.

GSJG_Day 2

In the past two days, we've shot around 54 shots out of around 84. We're well ahead of pace, and for the most part we've knocked out most of our dialogue. The first question everyone always asks me is, 'how do you think it's going?' and my response is simply, 'how do you think it is?'

To this point, everything honestly has been going very well. We have some good shots and we have some not so good ones. There are things I would like to change (if I had the opportunity to do it again) but for the most part I'm really happy with what we have done to this point. I don't know how the movie is going to cut together since we're a long ways from the finish, but what I can say is when your instructor/producer looks at you as says point blankly, 'you're a talented effer' while your crew is simultaneously glowing about how some of the shots look, it only makes you feel like you're doing your job right.

I don't mean to throw that in there because I'm trying to be arrogant, but in all truthfulness I don't feel as if this movie has changed me one bit. The thing I find most interesting is that I could really care less what format we shoot this story on, because in the end I'm only focused on trying to tell a story as complete as I can. And in the end, I'm starting to know that this is the only thing that matters. It's nice to hear people say good things about you, but does it matter? No it doesn't, because it's not going to make me a better storyteller and it's sure as hell not going to make me a better director.

Right now the running on set joke is of me standing next to camera with the video assist working with the camera operator on his framing. I know I've already exceeded most director's I've seen (at least at Full Sail) in terms of working with talent (the actors), and that's no different here. Despite the fact I am next to the camera, I have to be next to it because I want to be directly next to my actors. I want to be within a whispers inch and I want the immediacy of being able to change things on the fly - not from 40-feet away. Also, I think a director and actor relationship has to be one of trust and the more I'm with them the more they'll open up and give me. I've noticed this with some of our actors and in return they're taking their performances to levels which I don't think they normally open up to. That's a risk they're willing to take because they know and trust that I am going to make them look good.

That's why, when people ask me how do I think it's going I respond the way I do. Because if my crew can feel the performance from the giant video-assist on the far side of the soundstage then I am doing my job. This movie is bigger than all of us, but it is OUR film. I want everyone associated to look back on it (regardless of whether it turns out good or bad) and smile and reminisce about the experience we had and the place that started it all for us.

However for now, for those of you who want to know how I feel it is going. I don't think there is anything from this film that won't make the group proud. I know the shots look great, I know the framing will be decent at worst, and I know that our actors are giving us decent and great performances. In short, it's going better than I ever than I ever would have thought. But we're still only at the halfway point.

Now's not the time to get complacent, and despite the fact that things have been going well, we cannot allow ourselves to get caught up in that. It's not how we start but how we finish that counts. I just hope that we can maintain this effort...but seeing my crew in action I know we'll be all right! :)

Now, it's time to rest up. Two days down, two more to go!

Adios!!!

GSJG_Blocking

Blocking. What is it and why is it important?

In my opinion blocking isn’t something that an entire day should be allocated for, but it’s something that is seen as a necessity before shooting a production at Full Sail. In my mind, and the way it is in the real world, a crew should be talented enough to show up on set the day of and begin production instead of walking through a scripted set of shots. Why do we have it? Because it’s a precaution to make sure we can handle our hardest shots, and so we can find out weakest links before we begin shooting for real.

Today was a good example of how a good crew should operate. I warned my camera team that I was going to be hard on them today. I told them that I operate at an extremely high rate and they responded to that, rising to the challenge. I was not disappointed when we blocked out 18-shots in 18-different locations in an 8-hour period (which is unheard of for film-school students). This included a 3-hour set up for one (1) shot. That’s bringing the mail and result of first-rate teamwork. More so than that after the camera team saw the look I was going for, it only reinvigorated their excitement for this film…as well as my crew’s.

I have to admit, I owe an apology to my DP (Director of Photography). Blocking is supposed to be his time to shine, but since I have a distinct look I want to achieve, I took the viewfinder, assumed control and went to town. I was probably that happiest I’ve been in a long time, yet ironically because I was so intense everyone thought I was angry, lol. I had to explain later that I was so focused that I came across that way. But c’est la vie, you can’t please everyone.

The greatest response I had from everyone came from the entire crew’s reaction to a few of the shots. For the most part, I designed this entire film for how I wanted specific characters and movements to be seen. As a result, no one understood how I wanted things to look. Yet, when they finally saw how I blocked specific shots I could barely hide the smile on my face when afterward they were talking about how awesome certain shots looked.

I know this film is still a “student production” but one thing I can promise is that it’s not going to have the typical appeal most productions have. Not every shot is going to be amazing or groundbreaking, and some things we are doing are very primitive and basic, but I’m trying to tell this story in a way that will pull people in and entertain them. (This is something that’s extremely complicated when you factor in that we’re shooting on one room the entire time)

With blocking finished, now comes the hard part: incorporating the talent.

In the end, this entire film is my responsibility and whether we are wildly successful or dreadfully horrible, I will gladly assume any negative or response or reaction this production receives. Obviously I am hoping for a positive response, but I’m prepared for the worst. We have a long ways to go before we can start to smile, and tomorrow is just the first day.

My personal challenge is to bring out the best performance from my talent (aka the actors). I have had the least time to work with them compared to the other crews (which is an enormous disadvantage) but I trust in my framing and I trust in the look of our film. The only one who is left to step up is myself. As such, this is now squarely on my shoulders, and I’ve already sacrificed too much to get to this point to give anything less than my best effort.

So let’s see how far we can push this and create something that represents storytelling at its best.

GSJG_The Beginning

Today was our Pre-Light day, which means we finally turned the house lights off and set up the lights that we're going to be shooting with in this film in. It went as expected...a complete mess. One of my greatest concerns happened, and we used all eight-hours to tweak the lighting. There's still a lot of work to be done, but for the purposes of this film, I'll do the best I can.

David Fincher was quoted on the set of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button that film is, "98-percent compromise." I knew that going in and it's definitely apparent now. I'm learning my lessons about my crew, my keys and myself. There are things I'll never do again, but now that the preproduction phase is over, it's now time to compensate for these new problems.

Here's hoping that we can pull this off. Everyone says we will, and everyone says they have confidence in me. Nervousness is consuming me, and pushing me to look at everything. Who knows what this will end up looking like, but I know I'm going to give it my effort. Hopefully everyone's right...

GSJG_Double Lesson: Breathe

Soooo, I've got a lot on my mind tonight. Just going through the shot list, script, dialogue timings from the rehearsals (thanks Script Supe) and a whole bunch of other stuff.

Anyway, Lesson Two for today: Breathe (aka Kobe)

This one is a little hard to explain, but stick with me here. When I played tennis (yeah, 'back in the day') I used to play my best when I played within myself and let my talent come out of me in controlled bursts, and when I played out of my mind it was my 'Kobe' level. In other words, when I let things come to me naturally instead of pressing the point or forcing the issue I felt as if there was not a better tennis player in the world. period.

I came up with this term because it's simplicity. If you watch Kobe Bryant play basketball you know he's talented. It's obvious and it's duly noted too when it seems the majority of the time your shocked when he doesn't score. But, when he dominates and flips that switch to take over games you'll notice one thing. He doesn't force anything. it just comes to him naturally. Hence the term, 'Kobe'.

I think that translates over to film, too. I know when I'm on set I get excited and I let my emotions flow generously. Often times leaving myself exhausted at the end of the day and prone to missing things. I've learned in the past few weeks that as the person responsible for the production that's seen, I cannot let myself be prone to missing anything. at all.

You'll often times here of directors who do take after take after take (think of David Fincher) and how hard they are to work with and so forth. But after seeing them work on DVD extras, listening to stories and reading about them as much as I can see why Fincher, among others, is so hard on his cast and crew. It's not that I sympathize with him or chose his approach over others, it's because I can understand what he's thinking and how everything is literally just as important as the next. He can see that and he accounts for that.

I know I'm no where near the level of genius that Fincher is. But, that's something that's learned in time. For now, instead of aspiring to his level I have to experience things one take at a time and push myself to learn and see these things. I know I'm a long ways from where I will be one day, but as long as I take into account the details and the small things every step of the way, I know I'll be progressively getting there. But for the time being, I need to remember to breathe and allow my talent (assuming there is any) to carry me forward. If I keep applying myself and adding the new things I learn/see along the way, I'll only get better and maybe one day someone will say, 'Keeling'.

On second thought, maybe not. It just doesn't have the same ring, haha...

GSJG_Characterization

Today’s lesson: attention to detail.

With only three days until we strike the first light on our thesis production, we’ve been on a limited schedule and accelerated time frame. As such, I’ve only been able to meet with our talent a few times and progress from read-throughs to rehearsals to blocking sessions. Tonight’s three-hour session was a combination of rehearsing and blocking. For the first time, we had the entire assemblage of talent on the soundstage where we will attempt to transform them back to 1962. This will be the last time we will meet before the shoot.

As we went through one of our blocking set ups, we ran into a problem. The actors weren’t feeling the scene and there wasn’t a connection between them that would make the scene work. As such, we stopped and brainstormed ideas of how to draw more emotion and depth to the scene. After about 15 takes it finally hit me…

I have been researching this subject to the greatest extremes I realized there was one thing missing: the characterizations that were embedded by the individuals we were portraying. What I mean by that is everyone has their nuances that they do subconsciously. It’s something that’s unique to the individual and sometimes looked at as a trait that people often times identify with us. In this case, I had my actor portraying Chris Kraft walk around like he actually did. I have seen enough footage of the man and researched him so thoroughly to the point that I knew how he would be pacing and specifically where and how his hand movements/gestures would be. It didn’t sink in to me until that point these were things that are essential – mainly because I was more concerned about the performance the actor was giving.

After giving the talent new direction and motivation, it was uncanny how much more depth and connection the two actors shared in front of me. It was suddenly apparent that there was a different air between them, and things changed completely. The scene no longer felt flat and the world around them (even though nothing was there) came to life. Maybe this was a fluke or maybe not, but regardless this new idea is something that’s going to help accentuate this story and create added depth (this is especially important since we’re stuck in one room).

What I realized is that I am visualizing this movie through a movie camera, and not through a moving 3-D world. Things move, people move, characteristics that people have need to come to life regardless of how tight the framing is, and if we just have the characters recite lines we’ll put our audience to sleep…no matter how awesome the shots look or how intense the situation becomes.

Although this might seem very rudimentary and almost common knowledge, this is something that I guarantee most ‘directors’ fail to capitalize on. Just use me as an example. Now that I have it in the back of my head – let’s see where this takes us to next-