GSJG_Retrospect

We wrapped our production on Tuesday evening. We did so by using less than our full allotment of film (something rarely seen) and we did so with time to spare (even rarer). I retrospect don't know what to make of everything, because looking back on it all it was an amazing experience. Something I aimed for since I arrived and, in my opinion, excelled at.

Yet, looking back on this experience I know I am no different than I was a week ago. I have more on-set experience, and I also learned how to work with different actors, problems (there were more than a few serious ones) and control an entire production from start to finish. This movie is a reflection of me and I gave it my best shot. Looking at it, I know there are things we could have done differently, but in the end, this is a learning experience and something that I think will be remembered by more than a few people...instructors included.

Over the course of the production I heard more than a few of my peers gush over how I shot this movie, worked with actors and communicated with everyone on set. In the end, that's the only thing that truly matters to me. Because if I'm doing my job, then that means I am doing my job. Hopefully the final product will reflect this, but after seeing the dailies I feel confident in saying we have enough to edit together a decent story.

On a different note, since we wrapped the production I've been able to decompress and reflect on what coming to Florida has meant since this is essentially the end of school. I gave up more than I ever thought I would. I sacrificed my family (being able to see my parents and my sister's family, especially watching the girls grow up), I sacrificed my closest friends and love. I have talked with my closest friends and they know that doing this was the right thing, but looking back on it all I wonder what would have happened if I never left Arizona. That's one question that will never be answered, but what I do know is that I left Arizona only to lose everything to find myself and become who I am meant to be.

One of the most sobering things I read the other day didn't come from a note or a blog or even from something I saw on facebook. It came from my list of goals that I tapped to the back of my door the first night I arrived in Orlando. On it were a general list of things that I wanted to accomplish in my time here. The one that stood out to me is the one that I feel best reflects my time here in Florida; be the best. I didn't come here to fail. And despite having every reason to crumble and fall apart I have overcome every obstacle in my path. Sometimes things seemed so ridiculous that it felt almost unfair, but when looking back at what I accomplished despite that, I know I can honestly say that I put forth the effort to give myself the benefit of the doubt. Heck, the two sets I worked on in 16mm and 35mm were featured on the school's website for best sets Full Sail has produced. Ever.

In retrospect, things have been a little hard the past few days. My list of goals are complete and my days in Florida are numbered. It's hard to look back and remember the night before I left Arizona. When just a couple of us ate our hearts out Famous Dave's before finishing a Lifehouse acoustical special on VH1; crying. Even that first night of driving, I couldn't go a few minutes without getting teary-eyed as I drove into the darkened night across the desert. I never would have thought this journey would have been so hard.

Yet, all I can do is be thankful for those experiences this journey has given me and as I prepare to take the next step in this profession and use those hardships to fuel my drive to become the best. One day I will achieve that goal, but for now I have to make due with accepting the sacrifices I've made and be content in believing that I made the right decision.