While thinking about it for the past few days I was contemplating what Thanksgiving has meant to me. As I thought about it for the first time I was stuck trying to realize what this day really means.
Every single Thanksgiving since I was born, my family has always been together on at least Thanksgiving and Christmas. And while I always looked forward to stuffing myself with turkey, laying sprawled out across the couch napping off the tryptophan hangover and having an intricate argumentative over whether the Detroit Lions can actually lose on Thanksgiving, I have to say that for once I’m not looking at the routine of the day.
Simply put, Thanksgiving means more to me this year than it has at any other point in my life.
Call me weak, call me empty, call me whatever you want, but a break from the routine is something that I need now more than anything. It’s not that I don’t love what I’m doing. I know that leaving who I was in Arizona to become what I am in Florida - despite the consequences and personal sacrifices - was the correct thing to do. I know that film is where my future lies, I know it’s where my passion’s at - I have the talent, the desire but most of all I care too much not to succeed.
Despite those personal reassurances I feel emptier now than I’ve felt in a long time. The mornings are hard, and the evenings are harder. Things often times seem bland and vanilla, and while I put my heart and soul into every project I partake in – I am constantly missing the self-gratification that used to accompany it.
Yet, I remain grateful for the experience. In the long run I know it’ll make me a better person, I know that I’ll learn more from it than any lecture could ever detail. But most of all, I know that when the world falls apart the only thing left standing will be the ones who truly care…the ones who will never quit on me…the ones who love me unconditionally.
And for that I am thankful.
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